TEMPORARY SEPARATION

Welcome to the second installment. I really appreciate the feedback from the first installment.

               *TWO*

The end of primary school meant the beginning of a new season in my life. I call it upper adolescence. The changes in the body really begin to take shape. With the changes come the emotions. It's a confusing time because it's the time when one needs the most love yet rejects it the most. It's like a child being forced to fit in a big body and expected to act like their body yet has no capacity to do so. Adults around me would sometimes tease me about how my perky my breasts were. (This is just wrong) . What they did not realize was that the little uncalled for teases would mount up to low self esteem and body hate. This would last until I was well into my adult life.

One of the things that helped me cope with my confusing situation was the hope that I would re-unite with him. I still held out hope despite the farewell letter. At the back of my mind, I knew that there was somebody who cared for me regardless of what form my body took.

We tried to communicate via phone. I did not own one so I had to use my mother's. He could not text me because my mother would have found these messages. He had to call. As aforementioned, we were not good at talking to each other. Something happened when we heard the other person's voice. I for one began to tremble and words simply refused to leave my lips. Our telephone communication did not go well and when I joined high school, it stopped.

Despite having no communication, I held out hope that we would one day meet and pick up from where we left off. He was constantly on my mind. This hope helped a little bit when none of the cute guys during school outings paid any attention to me. I lived in a fantasy where my prince charming also spent his time wondering about whatever happened to his sharp tongue princess. I was struggling with my studies(too many subjects). I had to go through this struggle 'on my own'.He was not there to help me in the areas that were difficult. Still, sometimes I made an effort just because I imagined that wherever he was, he too was making an effort. I conjured images of him as a man in my head. I didn't mind when my classmates received letters from boys because I was so sure that he was waiting for me. He would be on the other side of what I considered a temporary separation.

One day, a girl in a lower class came to me and asked if I knew him. My defences went up. This time it was not because of competition rather because of fear. My all girls high school was a strictly no boys zone. If the administration even heard a rumor that one of us as much as looked at a boy, the girl in question was in hot soup seasoned with the strongest pepper available. I had enough problems as it were. I could not afford to add "boys" to my list. Still, I cautiously gave the girl who would later turned out to be his family friend audience. It was a short message. "he says HI".

The effort to reach me dwarfed the brevity of the message. Once again, I felt special and honored. He did not contact me again through my high school.

I completed high school without pomp and quickly joined campus a few months after my final exams. I carried the ever lighting torch for him to campus.

 Campus was different from anything I had ever experienced. There was freedom.
Armed with my huge baggage of body image and self esteem issues, I began the next phase of my life. One that would ultimately shape the rest of it. There was so much to learn. One of them was Facebook.

It would be on Facebook that we reconnected. Since we were typing, it was a lot easier to communicate. We would catch up as friends but never once actually spoke to one another. What both of us did not realize was that, while we were on our "temporary separation", we had evolved into different people. We had shared different experiences and developed different outlooks on life.

I was at the University in Nairobi. I would finish school and get a good job. I had lived with my imaginary him that I actually believed in my heart that he looked like that. In my quest to transform from a village girl to a city one, I began to live my life against what I saw with my classmates and what I saw in the movies. I wanted an "Alejandro" handsome man with cars, on ewho would instantlysee me and take me to the movies and buy me nice jewelery and clothes. Oh, I cringe when I think of that time in my life.

We planned to physically meet. I am not sure how. He came to Kahawa which is where I lived. I took  one llok at him and made up my mind.

*... To be continued....