Interpersonal Associations

Part of how Wikipedia defines a friendship is that it is a more interpersonal form of association.
Interpersonal means relating to a relationship or communicating in a relationship. "Relating to a relationship"; Here is how I got that.

A blogger friend of mine recently published a blog about her relations. In the blog,she related to a question she had been asked sometime: if you died in India,name six people you are sure would be your pallbearers. At the time(about 3 years ago),she could struggle to name a few.Today,she is half sure of say one.

So,really what makes us reduce our pallbearers from six to maybe one.I have no idea but I know that I have not treated my interpersonal associations with the interpersonalness I believe a friendship is.

I have come to  realize one thing that waters a relationship, a friendship for that matter .It is called  being present.Forget about the texts and calls to find out how one is doing( don't like forget completely, these too are important). I mean being present,if possible physically.

Let me attempt to explain what I mean.I have a few people in my life who consider themselves my friends. Some I have kept in my phone book,some well, no.There are some associations I have kept to date because their presence at a time it counted is always with me.

When I was in hospital after I delivered my child,I wanted these associations to be there.Some called but the one who made the trip to my home when my baby was a month old is the one that really touched my heart.I said I keep associations but when it comes to naming even my bridal line up,let alone my pallbearers, I think I would name her even though she talks too much and complains waaay too much sometimes.

I have realized that I meet people and we strike a rapport,we share jokes on WhatsApp and then they invite you for a play or a concert.For some reason,I think it is genetic,I will not show up.In my experience, the fun ends.Even when they say it is fine,it is not fine.The fact that you did not show up breaks something and the interpersonal relationship is never the same.

When you start missing each other's plays,childbirth experiences, weddings,"ruracios"; even with a legitimate reason like one person being in Kampala and the other in New York and you are jobless,it does something to the relationship and that something is not nice.Most times,it never recovers.

Just showing up is so important for the thriving of a friendship that even when you have no gift for example in a wedding, it will not matter very much(maybe mine,please try and bring a gift).

I am trying to make the effort to be present.I have a date to a lingerie store whose prices I have not related to ever in my life but I will go sometime.On that note,I probably should start saving some money.I am making an effort to also start going for plays and music stuff when invited.And where I can't,spread the message as much as I can.

Being present, for me is the definition of friendship.Oh,God knows you two may not even know each other birthdays but being counted upon when it matters is what counts.

Let us not forget to make this being present genuine.People pleasers have a certain stench that works the opposite. Instead of building, it will destroy the friendship and most times there is nothing to destroy because after all there never was a relationship after all,was there?

Let us all strive to make what we call friendship matter.I think that it makes even our own lives make sense.You feel more of a friend when you become a friend.

Our interpersonal associations; with God and fellow man are really what makes life: Life.

A big S/O to Wanjiru Njoroge of Double Dee's store, and by the way we are voting for her here.http://foya.thefounder.co.ke/

My blogger friend Wanjiku Mwawuganga,her blog can be read here-http://wp.me/p76UlC-1n

A TRIBUTE TO A BEAUTIFUL SOUL

We laughed at the memes doing rounds on social media upon the introduction of the Alco-blow.We enjoyed the ingenious ways drunk drivers used to evade the Alco-blow. We tweet to inform our friends still getting intoxicated at the bar of where the police are so that they can evade the police.We make jokes with one another when we after a night out get into a vehicle drunk as a skunk and say to one another that the vehicle knows the way home. It is somehow a heroic act-you know(driving under the influence of the damned alcohol).

I too have laughed at these incidents. Especially the one where people mange to avoid Alco-blow.
Maybe I should start by saying that I have been blessed enough not to have lost somebody I have been close to all my life.I have lost an aunt,both my grandmothers,a former classmate but never someone I have shared moments with.Never someone I have shared jokes with,never someone I have worked with.In an industry like the one I am in,working with someone is a bond that lasts forever. Going on set everyday,shooting together,eating together,sharing ideas; we become family. We develop from just people out to make a buck into brothers,sisters,mothers and fathers.The bonds formed on set or on stage are usually very very special.

Well,on 20th September, 2016,one of the drunk drivers in Nairobi hit one of my Auntie Boss family members and I lost him.I lost someone I laughed with,someone I shared my passion with. I lost family.You see the jokes and the memes are funny only when you are not involved,only when the reality if the NTSA statistics is too far from home.They say 3,000 lives are lost annually on Kenyan roads.These are just numbers before you loose family.They are just numbers before among the 3,000 is one of yours.
NTSA says that young people between the ages of 24-44 years are most at risk of dying on the road and you know why? Because of drunk driving.

You see,it is never that serious until it is.It is still funny to drunk drive and be congratulated for arriving safe and high as hell until it is not funny.Until it is too painful to even cry.Until it is too shocking to know what to say.Until it is too abrupt to believe.Until you loose a beautiful soul.Until Maina Ndirangu is hit from behind by a Toyota Premio while holding a torch to redirect traffic on the road.I hope I did not forget to say the driver of the Toyota Premio was drunk.Then it becomes well,not funny.It becomes a call to quit driving while driving. It becomes full support of the Alco-Blow.

Maina was an amazing Director of Photography or a Cameraman. He was a father of two sons and a dedicated husband.

He was always happy.Always happy ,always smiling.And he is gone; forever.

Maybe when we go back on set and find a new camera man,we may believe you left. Maybe.

So,before you loose someone you care about,before you loose family too,DO NOT DRINK AND GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
I will list a few things you can do;
* Get a sober designated driver.
*Call uber/little cab/Njoro wa taxi to take you home
*Buy alcohol and take it in your house
*Book a room and stay the night
* Quit alcohol(last but not least).
Accidents do happen but it is very hard to come to terms with one that could be avoided.

All in all:let us live a complete and full life because no one knows their time to leave the earth.Maina lived a full life-loved by many and the memories he left us with are all we have now.

25

When I celebrated or rather marked my 25th year of life,I stayed awake upto about 4am. I did because I was terrified. I was so afraid for my life,so afraid that I did not have  a direction I could see as far as my life was concerned.

In the course of my 24th year(that is between 24 and 25),I did most of the things I have done in my life.I struggled to make headway in life but I kind of made full cycle.I normally know that it is a complete cycle when I am back at home in Kakamega.

I have even prayed and told God that if it is a curse ,he should finally uncurse me.I either have not figured out my real reason for being alive or I am stupid or I am lazy or I am simply not insightful.I have narrowed my list to these things.

There are a few things I thought I had a grasp of in the course of my 24th year.
*An acting job with a reknown thespian.I went for auditions and passed for once.(Things went this way and that way and then it has not happened).
*A 'ruracio'.Mr.Man had declared his eternal love to his "wife" as he liked to refer to me and finally agreed to go see my parents.Noooo,(things went this way and that way,and I assumed the single lady title again).
*A theatre show.I spoke at length with a certain writer with whom we were to push the project with.
Turns out,I was just a listening ear to fill up her time all the many times we spoke about the project.
My 24th year gave me hope,but on my 25th birthday, all these were gone and I was scared.
I was scared that I would never come out,I would never get to breathe again, that the water that was my existence would swallow me and I would suffocate to death.
My entire life was a painful trudge through history.It was as if I was going through someone else's life.A movie of sorts.

25years of What?
Keep reading....

Peace, Love and Harmony

My name is Gloria Tsuma Owichira. Usually,most people are unable to guess which tribe I am from.The only people that accurately get it right are those who know my father or who know that he drives a white pickup in Kakamega. The ones who 'always know' things guess Giriama and feel good about themselves because they have utilized their wisdom to impress.And then I say,NO.I am not from coast and just to rattle them I throw in a very smooth Swahili accent whilst denying that I am from Coast.(by the way,we are talking about the name Tsuma).And then there is this group which pronounce Zuma,and then ask whether am related to Jacob Zuma of South Africa.eeeerh,dude,you baptize me and then ask me about relations that you invented yourself? The smaller group just calls Juma and an even smaller one calls Chuma.Is all good.
We have not started on OWICHIRA,it is a pretty easy name to pronounce,actually, one just needs to follow the syllables and you are home(O-WI-CHI-RA).Now,this one none ever gets it,where is this one from?Keep thinking.
And then-----wait for it....my mother,my real birth mother is called Ruth Njeri.And my sister Ciru and my bro Wachira John.
How now?
How is that my father married a Kikuyu Lady and gave birth to Kihya children.

For the most part of my life I have met people with different names especially in Campus.In fact,I have not met as many Luhyas.At one point,the people I got together with to put up a production while in school were all from different parts of this country.One of my friends is called Wanjiku Mwawuganga.What does it make her? Kiata?

My point is that,tribe should not matter as much as it does.Why is it important for someone in an office somewhere to first of all know where the name Tsuma comes from before we can discuss my agenda for the meeting?

Tribe is a beautiful thing and the fact that we are blessed as Kenya to have more than 42 tribes should not be what breaks our land rather what unites us.

It is our various cultures that should matter if anything should matter.
People hate when the comedians make jokes leaning along tribal lines but what you do not see is that,that is what tribalism is about. Making jokes and being happy about the Kamba because that is who they are.Why should we not make light of the situation.

The Luhya memes making rounds are too funny for life and personally I do not mind when we look at it that way.
Our cultures are diverse and we miss the point when we confuse tribe and identity. I think it is one of the lowest forms of interaction with a fellow human being when you form an image of who you imagine the person is based on tribe.When you refuse to acccept somebody because of their tribe.When you stubbornly bypass all the other qualities of a human being and dismiss them solely on the basis of tribe.

We need to understand that for so many of us,a concoction of various tribe DNA runs in our blood and we are essentially tribeless.So,in the school of tribal profiling,where do we fall?

The election is near,and I would wish that for the first time,especially we the youth(18-35),would style up.Take the time,to read the manifestos of each candidate and what they bring to the table.

I always wonder if people became sheep when the news anchor drops a line that goes something like these"the M.P is charged with incetement".Muy question is inciting who? Why exactly do you accept to be told to either kill or destroy property? Unless of course you have changes and become a sheep.

I was in Kakamega when the mayhem that was the aftermath of the 2007 elections happened.I was there when mad men burned down rental houses belonging to a "Kikuyu woman", when they burnt her house down,her daughter who was in the house at the time narrowly escaping death.Have I mentioned that these were the houses where they were living.

They went from house to house trying to flush out their friends who suddenly became enemies because their last name sounded Kikuyu-ish.
We sat in our house and prayed and prayed hoping that our neighbors from when I was eleven years old would not turn on us because my mothers last name was Njeri.

They burnt matatus ,they burnt shops and then went home.Those who were unfortunate enough went under tight police security to where their last name would be accepted.Still they prayed to arrive safely because the road to that place was full of people who did not like that you looked a certain way,or did not communicate using another language,forget the fact that you can very well communicate in Swahili or English.

It took forever for Kakamega to catch up in terms of business again.Instead of learning from these people with a different name we punished them for it and we were left to pay the price.
In truth,we made the situation worse because now we really had a reason to hate those with a different last name.Because everyday ,we see the scars left ( burnt hospital buildings,children sired whose fathers their mothers could not remember because the process of airing was not only by force but painful and rough and a betrayal,single women whose husbands suddenly realized they were not from the same place as them,homeless people who have tried and tried to start their lives over but seem not to be able to because they were burned out of the places they knew to be home for generations).

These scars can indeed cause pain and increase animosity between people whose last names betray them but someone once said that a scar is a mark that you defeated the wound.
This should be our saying too,that these scars we bear should remind us again and again that the price for whatever has been fully paid and that such a transaction is fruitless and it in facts leaves us more broke than when we started.

That we are better off loving ourselves and accepting that we do not have to know where Tsuma is from before we can write a play together,before we can do business together.

We need to accept that when we finally know where Tsuma is from we will celebrate her not condemn her to eternal doom.

I would like us to refuse to be told what to do because a certain individual wishes to have a bodyguard and get stamps on his passport (codename for politician).
I happen to know that when a certain film crew went to shoot in a big hotel on an island in Mombasa,they peeped at the visitors book.And,the guest list,was full of politicians names during the period that we were busy hacking and burning one another.
Especially the youth,style up I say.

I am aware that what happened was also spiritual.I always say that the devil on his to and from the earth strolls,was passing by Kenya at the time.So,let us always remember to pray for peace for Kenya and our borders.Let us also pray for individual grace to never look at our friends in the eyes of tribe.

Love,Peace Harmony.

I AM...

I am...who am I really? I have been plagued by that question a lot lately.I have not found an answer yet.What am sure of is that I am a woman who is in the process of refining,you know like gold.Before it becomes like gold.
So; where were we?
Keep reading....

Chapter one...

A heartfelt thank to God Almighty because you always have my back.To you my readers,I am grateful...
I have always wanted to wait for the right guy to cross my path.I have wanted to feel that thing that people say you will know.In the process,like I have said so many times is that I have had a couple of detours along the journey. In the space I am at now,I am scared of making another detour.I really want to find my the one at some point in life.However,my real goal and dream is to be content and happy being me.Just being comfortable in being the loud me ,who hates salons,who has her foot in her mouth too many times, who says the extremely wrong things at extremely wrong times,who is funny,who is very quiet because she is observing.That is my biggest life goal right now.

I would like to share with you this new chapter of change in my life.As usual it is mostly about my journey of love for God,for self and for fellow man.

Its been two or three months since my relationship ended.I

Before Anyone/Anything Else ,Phenomenal

Bae has acquired several meanings over time. Today,I focus on the one commonly known as" before anyone/anything else".
Before I proceed,let me say a big heartfelt thank you to all of you who take time to read my blog and comment and ask for the next piece.We are moving forward and going places together.
Continue reading....