Part of how Wikipedia defines a friendship is that it is a more interpersonal form of association.
Interpersonal means relating to a relationship or communicating in a relationship. "Relating to a relationship"; Here is how I got that.
A blogger friend of mine recently published a blog about her relations. In the blog,she related to a question she had been asked sometime: if you died in India,name six people you are sure would be your pallbearers. At the time(about 3 years ago),she could struggle to name a few.Today,she is half sure of say one.
So,really what makes us reduce our pallbearers from six to maybe one.I have no idea but I know that I have not treated my interpersonal associations with the interpersonalness I believe a friendship is.
I have come to realize one thing that waters a relationship, a friendship for that matter .It is called being present.Forget about the texts and calls to find out how one is doing( don't like forget completely, these too are important). I mean being present,if possible physically.
Let me attempt to explain what I mean.I have a few people in my life who consider themselves my friends. Some I have kept in my phone book,some well, no.There are some associations I have kept to date because their presence at a time it counted is always with me.
When I was in hospital after I delivered my child,I wanted these associations to be there.Some called but the one who made the trip to my home when my baby was a month old is the one that really touched my heart.I said I keep associations but when it comes to naming even my bridal line up,let alone my pallbearers, I think I would name her even though she talks too much and complains waaay too much sometimes.
I have realized that I meet people and we strike a rapport,we share jokes on WhatsApp and then they invite you for a play or a concert.For some reason,I think it is genetic,I will not show up.In my experience, the fun ends.Even when they say it is fine,it is not fine.The fact that you did not show up breaks something and the interpersonal relationship is never the same.
When you start missing each other's plays,childbirth experiences, weddings,"ruracios"; even with a legitimate reason like one person being in Kampala and the other in New York and you are jobless,it does something to the relationship and that something is not nice.Most times,it never recovers.
Just showing up is so important for the thriving of a friendship that even when you have no gift for example in a wedding, it will not matter very much(maybe mine,please try and bring a gift).
I am trying to make the effort to be present.I have a date to a lingerie store whose prices I have not related to ever in my life but I will go sometime.On that note,I probably should start saving some money.I am making an effort to also start going for plays and music stuff when invited.And where I can't,spread the message as much as I can.
Being present, for me is the definition of friendship.Oh,God knows you two may not even know each other birthdays but being counted upon when it matters is what counts.
Let us not forget to make this being present genuine.People pleasers have a certain stench that works the opposite. Instead of building, it will destroy the friendship and most times there is nothing to destroy because after all there never was a relationship after all,was there?
Let us all strive to make what we call friendship matter.I think that it makes even our own lives make sense.You feel more of a friend when you become a friend.
Our interpersonal associations; with God and fellow man are really what makes life: Life.
A big S/O to Wanjiru Njoroge of Double Dee's store, and by the way we are voting for her here.http://foya.thefounder.co.ke/
My blogger friend Wanjiku Mwawuganga,her blog can be read here-http://wp.me/p76UlC-1n
