WHAT A YEAR!!!! WOOOOW!!!

2016- It came and is just about to leave.How was it? Nobody has asked me this question,they all want to wish me a prosperous ,happy 2017.So,like so many people,I would like to look back on a few issues that made 2016,the year it was,for me at least.

a) Personal Growth
This has been a very successful are for me.I have understood that I talk a lot and many times seek the services of my brain later.So,this year,I tried to engage my head on a few occasions because I discovered you cannot live like that forever.I was also able to deal with my short-temper but I did fall sometimes,only sometimes.Things have taught me that I am stronger than I have given myself credit for but that is a lesson I picked up this year.
I have began my lessons on finding happiness and 'completeness' in solitude.
I am grateful for the circumstances that shook my being for in them I became stronger.

b)Finances/Income
Haha,whaaaat finances? That is probably what my bank account would ask.This was very elusive this year.However,it was the year,I visited an investment institution and saved some money from some money I got here and there.
2016 was the year I discovered I had an entrepreneurial spirit:how did I sell clothes and soap to survive?
I am grateful for the times I didn't have any money,for then I appreciated the times I did.

c)Friends
I acquired new friends in the most unlikely places.Some are still around, some served their purpose and left.I discovered things I did not know about some of my friends and got to appreciate them in ways I have never done.
This was the year I mentally erased people in my life from the folder marked friends and filled that space with other names I consider worthy.
It was the year I discovered that money and friends is not the best concoction to use in the dish called life.
I am grateful for the ones who left because then I appreciated the ones who stayed.

d) Family
I spent a good amount of time with family and for the larger part it was filled with laughter.
I am greatful for the times we did not talk because then I appreciated the times we talked and laughed.

e)God
Isn't he great? Oh,I think I have interacted with his word more in this year than I have all my life.It has been such a revelation and  my oh my,what a journey it has been.
I am grateful for the good,the bad,the hard,the easy because of them I appreciated that all in all you are GOD.

f) Fun
Do you know I actually paid for a trip outside town.Me,who is always worried money will end.
There was indeed something about 2016.
I am grateful for the times I chose to watch life go by because now I appreciate the times I got into the party and had a little fun.

g)Men
Oh men!!!! You have disturbed me this year,tho!!!!! The ones who left, the ones who resurfaced from God knows where, the ones who never noticed,the ones who made entrances then left as abruptly as they got here.
Ah!
I am grateful for each of you creatures of God because you made me appreciate the woman-Gloria.You made me appreciate the One who was is on the way.But most importantly you made me appreciate just how special I am.

Lastly,to all of you who took time to read my pieces,to share my pieces,to correct grammatical errors,to comment,I am grateful,super grateful actually.
My message:
You need to understand that you are made in a special way and even though not everyone will appreciate you,appreciate those who do.
That,you can actually do that which you think you can,you can learn that which you don't know.
That,I will be praying for you.

Duly signed,
Grateful me-Gloria Tsuma Owichira
PS:Almost forgot-
How was 2016?

FAMILY,FAM-LIE FARMILIAR?

Family is supposed to be a unit where one feels safe. Most of the time it is a unit of association connected by blood.This blood association,in my opinion makes members get away with so much.
Let me pick one that gets to my last nerve after a man beating up a woman.
Female Genital mutilation.I am talking about the intentional mutilation of a woman's clitoris for whatever misguided and outdated reason known to these bad people.

I am going to try and explain in a very simple way what this archaic habit does to women.It completely and utterly destroys her genitalia leaving only a tiny hole to pass urine.Do I need to say that this very natural process ceases to be natural and is a conscious effort after FGM? Some take up to 20 minutes to pass urine,a process that would normally take what? 3 minutes tops?

The pain caused by this inhumane act is very much. There is pain at every stage: during the cut,after the cut,before the cut.They make every bodily function that is supposes to make a woman,woman very painful.
Mensturation is a nigtmare, sex is like a bad bad scary horror movie and the most beautiful task performed by a woman-childbirth- unfathomable.
For those who are at least lucky to get pregnant: some end up sterile due to the many infections that keep recurring after this procedure.
This particular woman was born healthy and fine, with dreams of having her own family,and then because of some ungodly reason,someone decides to take away her clitoris.

Some girls die in the process. That you get,I don't need to go into detail.

FGM is illegal in many parts of the world.Yes,it is performed in countries other than Kenya.
However,this practice is still very much alive.
How? The answer is US.
Us- is the father who looks the other side when the season for circumcission is nigh knowing full well that his daughter is at risk.
Us is the mother who gladly serves tea to the old men who have come into her homestead to discuss the dowry payment of her twelve year old daughter. She knows that this old man will be expecting a child without her womanhood. She has undergone the same,she knows the amount of pain a penile penetration brings,she knows she will never know the joys of a sexual climax yet she sends her daughter to the blade.

Us is the sister who gently tells her younger sister that all will be fine when she knows full well that her sister will have to hold her urine for several days because the urine might hurt her raw wound.She knows that this will cause her problems.
She knows that her sister may die on that mat because her childhood friendMo never did return home after the'ceremony."

Us is the chief who looks the other side when she sees a group of women talking in whispers and heading toward a particular house just because a certain old man sent a tiny,malnourished goat to his house.

Us, is "fam-lie". It is a lie because what kind of safety would rob me of the very thing I was created to be.What kind of association would watch me go through so much pain with a satisfaction of having fulfilled the needs of tradition or whatever else?
Does this sounds familiar?

( This article is not exhaustive on terms of just how bad FGM is.
I would also like to acknowledge that there are girls who have manages to pock themselves up and proceeded to finish school and are leading in the fight against FGM.There are so many,however,who are still losing lives and living miserably because of FGM.
The people against it are shunned by their own communities and women who refuse the cut are even shunned by their own husbands forcing them to undergo this inhumane procedure for the sake of peace and acceptance.
Should you get any opportunity, kindly stand against this procedure.
And if you are a survivor ,a witness,or know anyone who is,kindly get in touch,I would love to share your story.One story at a time,let's get talking and stop this senseless ritual.'
Email; gloriatsu@gmail.com

WHEN YOU GROW UP 21...

Its been a long time since I penned anything.I would like to break my hiatus by talking to 21 year old Gloria.

Hi,and congratulations on completing 1st year of campus. You are alive and well,that's something.

First of all,I would like to remind you that God is the one who has brought you this far.You are required to honour him and serve him.Do you remember when God said that seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all the other things shall be added unto you? Imagine he meant it.So,I appreciate that you go to church on Sunday,but you need to feed on God's word through and through .Therefore, it is good that you get a family of believers so that you can grow.

Do you remember when your mother and all your teachers told you to keep off boys? Yes,they were right. Boys get you pregnant.Of course not by looking at them,it happens when you have sex with them.Gloria,many myths are propagated concerning this subject.I would like to draw your attention to the reproduction topic in Biology in high school; fertilization takes place when the sperm meets the ovum.When this collision grows,it becomes a baby.I would like to tell you that you are not ready for a baby so keep your vagina as far away from boys as possible.

In regard to this reproduction class,I would like to tell you that what you feed your mind is what you reproduce.Feed your mind with helpful literature. If you fill your mind with sex and romance,then the war to keep your vagina to yourself will be harder to win and losing it will be a piece of very moist cake.

Keep friends who help your life; emotionally,spiritually, academically,..you know wholistically.You are in campus for just a short time,you do not need to use that time to fit into peoples thoughts about,well. Everything.

Invest the little money you get.Invest in something, you could put it into a sacco or an investment firm.This is a good culture that will help you in the future.

I wish for you to know just what a great person you are.You are beautiful; and are not defined by the clothes you wear or by what your classmates say. I want you to find strength in who you are.I need for you to find validation within you and not from what is around you.

You need to learn as much as you can.Don't be afraid to ask what you don't know. All your classmates come from different parts of the world and have been brought up in different cultures and background. That you don't know one thing does not mean you don't know everything.You are in school to learn.So,learn.

Take this time to build on things you love.It will not be as easy as you may imagine but hang in there.Don't give up. The little things you achieve are not little, build on them.Keep knocking on doors so that when you are older,they will also be big.


Let me just say again,love may find you and that is great.However, it is not part of the curriculum.

Lastly, read hard and pass. Love yourself  because you are great.Trust God to hold you through. Be careful.And when you do make mistakes,fall forward.

Yours faithfully,
Older you;with love.
Trust me,I have been there.

Interpersonal Associations

Part of how Wikipedia defines a friendship is that it is a more interpersonal form of association.
Interpersonal means relating to a relationship or communicating in a relationship. "Relating to a relationship"; Here is how I got that.

A blogger friend of mine recently published a blog about her relations. In the blog,she related to a question she had been asked sometime: if you died in India,name six people you are sure would be your pallbearers. At the time(about 3 years ago),she could struggle to name a few.Today,she is half sure of say one.

So,really what makes us reduce our pallbearers from six to maybe one.I have no idea but I know that I have not treated my interpersonal associations with the interpersonalness I believe a friendship is.

I have come to  realize one thing that waters a relationship, a friendship for that matter .It is called  being present.Forget about the texts and calls to find out how one is doing( don't like forget completely, these too are important). I mean being present,if possible physically.

Let me attempt to explain what I mean.I have a few people in my life who consider themselves my friends. Some I have kept in my phone book,some well, no.There are some associations I have kept to date because their presence at a time it counted is always with me.

When I was in hospital after I delivered my child,I wanted these associations to be there.Some called but the one who made the trip to my home when my baby was a month old is the one that really touched my heart.I said I keep associations but when it comes to naming even my bridal line up,let alone my pallbearers, I think I would name her even though she talks too much and complains waaay too much sometimes.

I have realized that I meet people and we strike a rapport,we share jokes on WhatsApp and then they invite you for a play or a concert.For some reason,I think it is genetic,I will not show up.In my experience, the fun ends.Even when they say it is fine,it is not fine.The fact that you did not show up breaks something and the interpersonal relationship is never the same.

When you start missing each other's plays,childbirth experiences, weddings,"ruracios"; even with a legitimate reason like one person being in Kampala and the other in New York and you are jobless,it does something to the relationship and that something is not nice.Most times,it never recovers.

Just showing up is so important for the thriving of a friendship that even when you have no gift for example in a wedding, it will not matter very much(maybe mine,please try and bring a gift).

I am trying to make the effort to be present.I have a date to a lingerie store whose prices I have not related to ever in my life but I will go sometime.On that note,I probably should start saving some money.I am making an effort to also start going for plays and music stuff when invited.And where I can't,spread the message as much as I can.

Being present, for me is the definition of friendship.Oh,God knows you two may not even know each other birthdays but being counted upon when it matters is what counts.

Let us not forget to make this being present genuine.People pleasers have a certain stench that works the opposite. Instead of building, it will destroy the friendship and most times there is nothing to destroy because after all there never was a relationship after all,was there?

Let us all strive to make what we call friendship matter.I think that it makes even our own lives make sense.You feel more of a friend when you become a friend.

Our interpersonal associations; with God and fellow man are really what makes life: Life.

A big S/O to Wanjiru Njoroge of Double Dee's store, and by the way we are voting for her here.http://foya.thefounder.co.ke/

My blogger friend Wanjiku Mwawuganga,her blog can be read here-http://wp.me/p76UlC-1n

A TRIBUTE TO A BEAUTIFUL SOUL

We laughed at the memes doing rounds on social media upon the introduction of the Alco-blow.We enjoyed the ingenious ways drunk drivers used to evade the Alco-blow. We tweet to inform our friends still getting intoxicated at the bar of where the police are so that they can evade the police.We make jokes with one another when we after a night out get into a vehicle drunk as a skunk and say to one another that the vehicle knows the way home. It is somehow a heroic act-you know(driving under the influence of the damned alcohol).

I too have laughed at these incidents. Especially the one where people mange to avoid Alco-blow.
Maybe I should start by saying that I have been blessed enough not to have lost somebody I have been close to all my life.I have lost an aunt,both my grandmothers,a former classmate but never someone I have shared moments with.Never someone I have shared jokes with,never someone I have worked with.In an industry like the one I am in,working with someone is a bond that lasts forever. Going on set everyday,shooting together,eating together,sharing ideas; we become family. We develop from just people out to make a buck into brothers,sisters,mothers and fathers.The bonds formed on set or on stage are usually very very special.

Well,on 20th September, 2016,one of the drunk drivers in Nairobi hit one of my Auntie Boss family members and I lost him.I lost someone I laughed with,someone I shared my passion with. I lost family.You see the jokes and the memes are funny only when you are not involved,only when the reality if the NTSA statistics is too far from home.They say 3,000 lives are lost annually on Kenyan roads.These are just numbers before you loose family.They are just numbers before among the 3,000 is one of yours.
NTSA says that young people between the ages of 24-44 years are most at risk of dying on the road and you know why? Because of drunk driving.

You see,it is never that serious until it is.It is still funny to drunk drive and be congratulated for arriving safe and high as hell until it is not funny.Until it is too painful to even cry.Until it is too shocking to know what to say.Until it is too abrupt to believe.Until you loose a beautiful soul.Until Maina Ndirangu is hit from behind by a Toyota Premio while holding a torch to redirect traffic on the road.I hope I did not forget to say the driver of the Toyota Premio was drunk.Then it becomes well,not funny.It becomes a call to quit driving while driving. It becomes full support of the Alco-Blow.

Maina was an amazing Director of Photography or a Cameraman. He was a father of two sons and a dedicated husband.

He was always happy.Always happy ,always smiling.And he is gone; forever.

Maybe when we go back on set and find a new camera man,we may believe you left. Maybe.

So,before you loose someone you care about,before you loose family too,DO NOT DRINK AND GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
I will list a few things you can do;
* Get a sober designated driver.
*Call uber/little cab/Njoro wa taxi to take you home
*Buy alcohol and take it in your house
*Book a room and stay the night
* Quit alcohol(last but not least).
Accidents do happen but it is very hard to come to terms with one that could be avoided.

All in all:let us live a complete and full life because no one knows their time to leave the earth.Maina lived a full life-loved by many and the memories he left us with are all we have now.

25

When I celebrated or rather marked my 25th year of life,I stayed awake upto about 4am. I did because I was terrified. I was so afraid for my life,so afraid that I did not have  a direction I could see as far as my life was concerned.

In the course of my 24th year(that is between 24 and 25),I did most of the things I have done in my life.I struggled to make headway in life but I kind of made full cycle.I normally know that it is a complete cycle when I am back at home in Kakamega.

I have even prayed and told God that if it is a curse ,he should finally uncurse me.I either have not figured out my real reason for being alive or I am stupid or I am lazy or I am simply not insightful.I have narrowed my list to these things.

There are a few things I thought I had a grasp of in the course of my 24th year.
*An acting job with a reknown thespian.I went for auditions and passed for once.(Things went this way and that way and then it has not happened).
*A 'ruracio'.Mr.Man had declared his eternal love to his "wife" as he liked to refer to me and finally agreed to go see my parents.Noooo,(things went this way and that way,and I assumed the single lady title again).
*A theatre show.I spoke at length with a certain writer with whom we were to push the project with.
Turns out,I was just a listening ear to fill up her time all the many times we spoke about the project.
My 24th year gave me hope,but on my 25th birthday, all these were gone and I was scared.
I was scared that I would never come out,I would never get to breathe again, that the water that was my existence would swallow me and I would suffocate to death.
My entire life was a painful trudge through history.It was as if I was going through someone else's life.A movie of sorts.

25years of What?
Keep reading....

Peace, Love and Harmony

My name is Gloria Tsuma Owichira. Usually,most people are unable to guess which tribe I am from.The only people that accurately get it right are those who know my father or who know that he drives a white pickup in Kakamega. The ones who 'always know' things guess Giriama and feel good about themselves because they have utilized their wisdom to impress.And then I say,NO.I am not from coast and just to rattle them I throw in a very smooth Swahili accent whilst denying that I am from Coast.(by the way,we are talking about the name Tsuma).And then there is this group which pronounce Zuma,and then ask whether am related to Jacob Zuma of South Africa.eeeerh,dude,you baptize me and then ask me about relations that you invented yourself? The smaller group just calls Juma and an even smaller one calls Chuma.Is all good.
We have not started on OWICHIRA,it is a pretty easy name to pronounce,actually, one just needs to follow the syllables and you are home(O-WI-CHI-RA).Now,this one none ever gets it,where is this one from?Keep thinking.
And then-----wait for it....my mother,my real birth mother is called Ruth Njeri.And my sister Ciru and my bro Wachira John.
How now?
How is that my father married a Kikuyu Lady and gave birth to Kihya children.

For the most part of my life I have met people with different names especially in Campus.In fact,I have not met as many Luhyas.At one point,the people I got together with to put up a production while in school were all from different parts of this country.One of my friends is called Wanjiku Mwawuganga.What does it make her? Kiata?

My point is that,tribe should not matter as much as it does.Why is it important for someone in an office somewhere to first of all know where the name Tsuma comes from before we can discuss my agenda for the meeting?

Tribe is a beautiful thing and the fact that we are blessed as Kenya to have more than 42 tribes should not be what breaks our land rather what unites us.

It is our various cultures that should matter if anything should matter.
People hate when the comedians make jokes leaning along tribal lines but what you do not see is that,that is what tribalism is about. Making jokes and being happy about the Kamba because that is who they are.Why should we not make light of the situation.

The Luhya memes making rounds are too funny for life and personally I do not mind when we look at it that way.
Our cultures are diverse and we miss the point when we confuse tribe and identity. I think it is one of the lowest forms of interaction with a fellow human being when you form an image of who you imagine the person is based on tribe.When you refuse to acccept somebody because of their tribe.When you stubbornly bypass all the other qualities of a human being and dismiss them solely on the basis of tribe.

We need to understand that for so many of us,a concoction of various tribe DNA runs in our blood and we are essentially tribeless.So,in the school of tribal profiling,where do we fall?

The election is near,and I would wish that for the first time,especially we the youth(18-35),would style up.Take the time,to read the manifestos of each candidate and what they bring to the table.

I always wonder if people became sheep when the news anchor drops a line that goes something like these"the M.P is charged with incetement".Muy question is inciting who? Why exactly do you accept to be told to either kill or destroy property? Unless of course you have changes and become a sheep.

I was in Kakamega when the mayhem that was the aftermath of the 2007 elections happened.I was there when mad men burned down rental houses belonging to a "Kikuyu woman", when they burnt her house down,her daughter who was in the house at the time narrowly escaping death.Have I mentioned that these were the houses where they were living.

They went from house to house trying to flush out their friends who suddenly became enemies because their last name sounded Kikuyu-ish.
We sat in our house and prayed and prayed hoping that our neighbors from when I was eleven years old would not turn on us because my mothers last name was Njeri.

They burnt matatus ,they burnt shops and then went home.Those who were unfortunate enough went under tight police security to where their last name would be accepted.Still they prayed to arrive safely because the road to that place was full of people who did not like that you looked a certain way,or did not communicate using another language,forget the fact that you can very well communicate in Swahili or English.

It took forever for Kakamega to catch up in terms of business again.Instead of learning from these people with a different name we punished them for it and we were left to pay the price.
In truth,we made the situation worse because now we really had a reason to hate those with a different last name.Because everyday ,we see the scars left ( burnt hospital buildings,children sired whose fathers their mothers could not remember because the process of airing was not only by force but painful and rough and a betrayal,single women whose husbands suddenly realized they were not from the same place as them,homeless people who have tried and tried to start their lives over but seem not to be able to because they were burned out of the places they knew to be home for generations).

These scars can indeed cause pain and increase animosity between people whose last names betray them but someone once said that a scar is a mark that you defeated the wound.
This should be our saying too,that these scars we bear should remind us again and again that the price for whatever has been fully paid and that such a transaction is fruitless and it in facts leaves us more broke than when we started.

That we are better off loving ourselves and accepting that we do not have to know where Tsuma is from before we can write a play together,before we can do business together.

We need to accept that when we finally know where Tsuma is from we will celebrate her not condemn her to eternal doom.

I would like us to refuse to be told what to do because a certain individual wishes to have a bodyguard and get stamps on his passport (codename for politician).
I happen to know that when a certain film crew went to shoot in a big hotel on an island in Mombasa,they peeped at the visitors book.And,the guest list,was full of politicians names during the period that we were busy hacking and burning one another.
Especially the youth,style up I say.

I am aware that what happened was also spiritual.I always say that the devil on his to and from the earth strolls,was passing by Kenya at the time.So,let us always remember to pray for peace for Kenya and our borders.Let us also pray for individual grace to never look at our friends in the eyes of tribe.

Love,Peace Harmony.

I AM...

I am...who am I really? I have been plagued by that question a lot lately.I have not found an answer yet.What am sure of is that I am a woman who is in the process of refining,you know like gold.Before it becomes like gold.
So; where were we?
Keep reading....

Chapter one...

A heartfelt thank to God Almighty because you always have my back.To you my readers,I am grateful...
I have always wanted to wait for the right guy to cross my path.I have wanted to feel that thing that people say you will know.In the process,like I have said so many times is that I have had a couple of detours along the journey. In the space I am at now,I am scared of making another detour.I really want to find my the one at some point in life.However,my real goal and dream is to be content and happy being me.Just being comfortable in being the loud me ,who hates salons,who has her foot in her mouth too many times, who says the extremely wrong things at extremely wrong times,who is funny,who is very quiet because she is observing.That is my biggest life goal right now.

I would like to share with you this new chapter of change in my life.As usual it is mostly about my journey of love for God,for self and for fellow man.

Its been two or three months since my relationship ended.I

Before Anyone/Anything Else ,Phenomenal

Bae has acquired several meanings over time. Today,I focus on the one commonly known as" before anyone/anything else".
Before I proceed,let me say a big heartfelt thank you to all of you who take time to read my blog and comment and ask for the next piece.We are moving forward and going places together.
Continue reading....

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: OF FINDING, NOTICING AND THOSE WHO GOT AWAY

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: OF FINDING, NOTICING AND THOSE WHO GOT AWAY: I hate traveling, I really do not enjoy, is what I told myself for a long time. This was of course one of the covers that I used because I n...

OF FINDING, NOTICING AND THOSE WHO GOT AWAY

I hate traveling, I really do not enjoy, is what I told myself for a long time. This was of course one of the covers that I used because I never really saw myself able to afford the cost of traveling. It was a reserve of the rich. actually, I do hate traveling, that is sitting in the vehicle for a long time waiting to reach the destination.I am yet to board a plane though, I will be sure to share the experience when i do.
so, over the weekend, I was privileged to be in the company of a group of volunteers as we traveled to go to brainstorm on one or two things.( you see I kind of joined a volunteer organization when I was left to begin the life of a single woman) .Well, it was also one of the reasons that I readily agreed to join the trip, it stared as a gateway from the anger and confusion .
 continue reading...

REALLY, GOD DO TAKE IT FROM HERE

Thank you so much for being there in this crazy journey I call story telling. I hope to be here for a long time and that we grow together.
I love the Lord with all my heart. And through my life I have gone through so many phases which have sometimes left me wondering about my relationship with God.Either way,God has been faithful this far.
I am at a point in my life that I have never been before. I always take so much care of my heart, my money,my soul and all that I am just so I am not vulnerable. It has been like that all my life,it has been hard for me to even act (career wise),because to fully bring out a character well,an actor has to tap into their vulnerability.
That is a story for other days.As I was saying ,I feel like I am floating in the middle of a big lake,kind of the one DiCaprio was floating in in a bid to show his love to that lady(Titanic).I am not dead,nor I am I at depression, if anything I am the busiest I have been in a long time,you know since high school.But that is just it,I am busy but nothing really makes sense.
The joy of a new day is almost non-existent and I have began resonating with pain and violence in terms of movies and even novels.It's almost as if hope is hurtful.I am just floating in a frozen lake and lifting my head to look for the shore of the ocean hurts my neck.
Okay, I am done with my sad take,here comes the big BUT.
BUT,I have a hope .A hope in Christ Jesus,this is something I know.It is something I am aware.Now,if I can just relate to it,if I can just understand it,believe it for me,I have faith that I would have more peace and I can float to the shore safely. So,I want to make this prayer to you God,that take it from here.
God, take away the hurt of a heartbreak and replace it with a contentment that you are the lover of my soul.Because only you God can fill an empty heart and mend a wounded soul.
God,provide for my needs.You know that I need fare,I need credit,I need pads,I need food.I am tired of acting like I am on a diet yet it is the lack of money for food that makes me go without food.God,provide my needs.
Dear God,help me make the right decisions in life. Do not make me give in to desperation and make harmful choices.
God,you know that I need a career or something, a job that I love, that I am good at because anything that I am not good at,anything that I am not passionate about will kill me.I believe that you made me good at something for a reason. So,dear Lord I know that you will give me a position in that line.
Lastly,thank you for all the experiences I have had through my life.Because, you are alive and active,because you are an all seeing God,I know that you can see me and nothing goes by you that is accidental.Therefore,thank you.And through this experience,Give me Grace to know that you are God.Give me Grace to be still and know that you are God.
I guess what I am trying to say is that "God,really (meaning totally) take it from here.My strength is done and am sorry that I tried in the first place.

PART TWO(Is it Complicated?maybe,perhaps)

First of all,thank you for reading the first part of this piece.
...
Kim is an interesting character and has a lot of information. He is really interesting,that I must give it to him.And we can actually have a whole conversation on matters Jesus.This really gets me by the way-I am not an overzealous spiritual fanatic but I like a man who knows his Jesus(my previous dating/relationship history notwithstanding).

Remember I told you my acting skills were heightened to new levels? How do you act "normal" around a guy who you really really like and going by all indications likes you back? But,there is an upside to what we have, I act better - seriously.I look forward to coming to set because I can see him and enjoy listening to him:I completely love his English.

The other day,he was answering a question about where he bought this really cool hoodie he had.I will tell you where he got it.

After he wrapped on Saturday, I usually do not shoot on Sartuday,mostly,he CALLED.He sounds really good over the phone(but my opinion cannot be held against me) and politely asked if we could meet on Sunday in town. Of course I said yes.Turns out it was a trip around Toi market.Yes,WE bought the cool hoodie everyone loved.

For the record not what he told everyone, he kind of left it at Toi market.

So far,all is well on set.We are in our own little bubble and its cozy and beautiful in there. The excitement is amazing.I am not going to say I get to be myself because I am still afraid of myself. I am afraid that he may not accept me when he meets 100% me.However,Kim has not asked of me something I have been unable to give yet.He sees what we have as a friendship.

I have a huge crush on Kim.I am aware of that,what I am not aware of is what is on the other side of the crush.For now; this place I am at is great!!!!

Am I complicating my life? I dont  know but if it is,its a good complicated. Plus,my producers get to have a side of the character they have not met-I said he is a good director yeah? A damn good one(wink ).
PS: My dearest friends,I love you guys.

IS IT REALLY COMPLICATED? PERHAPS,MAYBE

I am a teeny bit afraid of penning this one.However, they always say, (they usually know a lot of stuff), step out and just do it. That it is the first step to reaching your dream.My dream among others is to be a storyteller, to make you enjoy and look forward to my stories(fiction or otherwise). So,here it goes.
Working on set was always a dream of mine and I am blessed to be where I am at this point of my life.I have been to only one professional set but am grateful for the chance. Actors wait a long time to get the chance I have(or do they?)
I digress(always loved it when writers use that phrase).
I have always been told that office romance is complicated etc etc,well maybe not told but read.I must admit that when he approached me,it was surreal and cool.Very snipper-ish.
I was leaving since I had wrapped early.He called me very authoritatively, so I turned back. What followed was the start of something magical and full of adrenaline.An experience that would test my acting skills to levels I did not even know I had.
Let's call him,Kim. He is a very talented director,famous even. Meeting him was an honor, it is still is,in more ways than one.Kim,told me I was a great actor.Yeah yeah,I had heard that but none of these people call me when hosting their own projects or say anything helpful after that chorus.
Then.He proceeded and told me the areas I could improve.Sweet,at least he added something, saw something. I know he told that to all the actors but it still felt special and I held my feeling as I took the long route to the matatu stage.It is days like these that I board the most empty matatu because I want to savour special feelings which only make sense to me for as long as I could.And that additional statement was one of those moments. (Which make sense only to me).
And  then he asked for my number so that he could send me some movies I was to watch to help me improve my acting.Sure,why not? I would love that.My career was finally getting off to somewhere.

That night he did keep his word and send me a couple of movie titles.Then he proceeded to ask how may day was?
Fine,I guess.

We got to talking for the next hour,who knew.I was glad we did not get into filters, gels,and those many pixels of a photograph.This was to be our trend henceforth. Act like an actor and a director would (professionally),and chat our hearts out later.
Sometimes, he would be shooting upstairs and I would be somewhere on set and would receive a text message. Most would just be hilarious.
I remember one time, he sent me this really funny meme on wats app about how luhyas thought of Jogoo Road as a road full of cocks and hens and I burst out laughing.He then shouts ,"Silence!!!".The next text was a wink emoji.
Okay,that is another thing that would make sense only to me.
This was to be our back and forth for one season.Don't scowl like that, a season goes by very fast where I work.

So,keep close for exactly how things turn out when we break for the next season...(part two in a few days).
PS: For my friends who think they know what's going on,you don't.

The 5a.m Grater

I had a very long day coming ahead.That is what happens when you have a program to shoot and the schedule has your name and two other names of people you don't know yet. It only means that you will be on your geet, getting lines and delivering them in consistentency with your character for say a long time.I have to sleep in order for me to function alright.
Here is my dilemma in life,I live with 4sisters,every of them has their own set of rules in life,they operate at their own time and space.I am not whining, well a little, but sometimes it is very difficult to cope.
On this day,two of them arrived at the house pretty late,and one if them is pretty loud,so after a fight with sufurias and many questions which of course disrupts my sleep big-time, we finally fall asleep.
Next thing I know is an irritating noise in my ear.Remember the loud one,she decided to grate stuff(carrots and butternut) at 5am 0.005metres from my ear.And just to spooke me and my precious sleep, the thing gets louder and louder.
In a nutshell, I had to wake up at 5am having had less than 4hours of proper sleep.
So, what is the moral of today's story; there are two.1: A grater is such a noisy kitchen equipment especially early in the morning. Grate your stuff at night if you do not have a kitchen separate from other rooms.
2: When living with other people in society, learn to really mind them,like mind them for real. Do to others as you would be done to you.
Thank you.

HOW I MET EXPENSIVE CASSAVA

I have always had a tendency of telling you people about my life. Well, even today I will tell you about my life. That may be direct translation,however,life is about communication. Did I communicate?
I have a degree which I realize now I probably should never have done.My plans and the reality on the ground are parallel ideologies and I am just accepting that close to a year down the line.You see I believed that I would step out onto the acting world and conquer like the learned talented actor I was. Well,so far talented has come up on one or two occasions. Learned,however,is yet to help me.
So,I still say I am looking for a job but truth be told,I have no idea what I am looking for exactly. I think what am looking for is that X factor that keeps eluding me.Why else would I be surrounded by great Actors,directors, producers and never get to be called for another project even after being called talented? I am venting and it's not your fault.It is however my introduction to the issue at hand.
I am in the process of picking myself up in oife,learning stuff.One of the ways is how to earn money for myself and use it well.Managing it you may say. I may never have boarded a plane but I have never lacked money my entire life.
It is only when my mother escorted me to the stage and said goodbye empty handed that it finally hit me that money was sought and managed if you wanted it to last.
Still, HE(remember him) taught me that I could always count on him for anything,mostly money(big big mistake,my sisters).
So,my genesis on how to look for money and manage it,began.It is shocking the things necessity can drive you to do.
This is the point I have never been so business minded and optimistic and forward moving as I am now.I promise I can find you a plot in Tharaka nithi county,negotiate the price for you and buy it on your behalf at a fee of course.
I digress.
I have had to quickly find and piece my pieces. This exercise led me to cassava in Ngara market,because I convinced my sisters that we had to start a food business.I didn't know they could be as expensive but I had no choice but to risk.I knew this is the point in my life that hard choices had to be made to turn my life around albeit in a small way. For now.It would make me feel better,love myself more,if I woke up at 5am to sell this food. And so I bought them.
Dependence can sometimes lead you into staying in a bad place. So,at some point ,if the person/thing is not God Almighty, cut that link of dependence.
One of my blades to server the link of dependence is my expensive cassava.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT MEAN?

I was super excited when he told me that we would be going to see my mum.
"Just a small meeting he said,I just want them to know who their daughter is with".
Yeeeei,this was finally happening. Surely this was a sign from God and the universe that he was my the one.He had said this out of his own volition,I think.
Things were finally getting serious,I could literally smell a wedding, I re-embarked on my chiffon wedding gowns research with a renewed vigour.This time I didn't do it quietly,I even asked for opinions from my roommates who have grown into my sisters.
I was justified to be googling wedding dresses because I had run into a wedding ring at HIS house some time and being the kind of girl I am,I thought that it would not take long before he popped the question. I was sure that was the ring because he had told me countless times that he knew I was the one from the first time he saw me.

Fast forward but not too fast because you might miss the moment. HE( his and he is what we are calling the male in question).
HE texts and reveals that he feels like he wants to die.Alas! But why?

Well,there was the routine back and forth of the female inquiring why and HE reitaraiting severally that he needed to think about his life with the female conspicuously missing from that soul finding whatever. Those were bright red lights on a road in Nairobi's CBD with the kanjo in action.

Within 3 days,a one and a half year relationship had moves from meeting my parents, getting engaged to a solo soul finding mission.

It took me ten minutes to cry my heart out(my friend told me that hurt longer than ten minutes is a choice).

The most interesting part is that he actually planned to plan a meeting a week later during which that period he did not communicate to break what seemed to be very heavy news to me.C'mon,I may not always seem that way but my intuition is always on point and is helped by the fact that I am a grown woman.

So,HIM aka HE out there, get your act together before getting into something and realize many days later that perhaps it wa not right for you.

And I have to give credit to the Almighty God for the courage and strength so far,and his assurance that it will be okay.

By the way,what exactly does finding oneself mean?

The End(of the beginning)

I remember that he said he did not even care to know where I lived. However, when I texted him to say hi and that we could hang, he laughed and confirmed if I was serious. When that was confirmed, he was at my gate-the black gate- within the hour.I chose to let that lie slide,he apologized.

Pontifah looked up at me and suggested something I never thought would happen.That we go to the chapel to pray.They were rolling down my cheeks before I had a chance to stop them.And so we went and he prayed.It was awkward at first,it sounded like my three year old when he was first taught to pray at school but I knew God was happy.
Let me recap,Pontifah was as far from God as I was fluent in Greek but I fell in love anyway.I know I am not supposed to be unequally yoked and I still believe that peradventure this was one of those Jacob cases where he kept messing up and God still immensely blessed him.
I dont know how to conclude a story spectacularly so I will end it like I was taught by Teacher Naomi in primary school.

It has been a year now,and the ride has been one hell of a ride. Therein,Ihad a massive stroke and I will never know what deal he made with God but a week after I was discharged from hospital, he gave his life to Christ. If our relationship was  a movie and the events were characters, that would be the main character. The walks from my place to Kahawa stage at 5 in the morning and 9.30 in the night,the times we have spent arguing about the context of phrases in Song of Songs are the supporting cast.The kisses we share in random places are guest appearances. And yeah the extras always appear once in a while-Imax etc etc.
The main character always adds flesh to his character-we attend the same Bible study and we have a prayer breakfast every fortnight dedicated to our union.God knows I pray for him everyday while I hold the ring he gave me when he asked that I be his wife!!!!

stil figuring it out, (part two)

...As he held my hand and unashamadely poured out his heart rthrough his tears with his head bent on my knees, I knew we were meant to be.I finally felt what I had been looking for. What I have needed to feel through the past three relationships that I had had.

As I stroked his head since thtat was the only way i new to take away his pain, I recalled our first encounter.I was walking home. I usually walk  that long stretch home for only two reasons; I was either broke and could not afford the fare home or I needed to think. On this particular Sunday afternoon, well, it was both. Theen, from nowhere, a man walks across the road to say hello and includes in his unwelcome pleasantries a previous meeting we had which for the life of me, I could not recall. Not that I tried anyway.He keeps talking on and on and since i am not known for my subtilty, I bluntly ask him to conclude the conversation since I needed to go home and sleep.

To cut the tale short, I eneded up writing his number on a piece of paper and stuffed it somewhere in my bag. he told me that if I called, then we would talk and hang. his way of distinguishing himself from the other men who call the lady a million times after insisting on having their contacts. His was a different style he said.

Incase my stuffing of the paper somewhere in my bag is not indication enough that I was not going to call him, I have news, I did not call-immediately. I was in a lovng relationship heading to the altar and I had read in some book that cheating also included emotions.So, I did not want to cheat on my man which meant not starting relationships whose future I did not know with men especially.

Well, life is life. When my man suddenly decided that I was not enough and that he needed a woamn of his stature, one with a real proffessssion- I am an actor you see(ofcourse pun intended)-, I did locate that piece of paper and bluntly accepted his offer to hang....

Still figuring it out...(part one)

I knew this would destroy him,I prayed and prayed that God would heal his mother.
His name is Pontifah and I am in love with him. He is not a typically boyfriend for a church girl like me but I love him nevertheless. I have never seen him so vulnerable as he is now.I look at him kneeling by his mothers bedside and he is so vulnerable and I pray that this will not take him a step back in his young walk with God.So,I keep praying.
Then,it happens. His mother died holding his hand. I hugged him and in between our silent sobs ,I knew it.
I knew that I had to be there for him.That he needed me...

Love is ....

It is a beautiful thing this thing we call love. It forms relationships and breaks them in a way. In some way,it is wrong to say love breaks but then again people understand this emotion quite differently.
I am in a matatu.... My colleague and I are heading home after a hard days work,production is really hardworking. Then,at Githurai,a commotion suddenly ensues,this conductor is at it again. Many of you already know how some of these conductors on our roads have the uncanny ability to change the fare amount once inside the vehicle. This was such a case but the lady was not even close to entertaining nonsense.so,as the small man-the conductor is busy demanding that they alight or pay up,she stays put.
By this time,she and the conductor are now engaged in a heated back and forth.
It turns out that this very assertive and loud lady has a male travelling companion who discreetly nudges her as a sign that they alight. Nope! Not this time bro.
She stubbornly insists that they are not going anywhere and they are not adding more money.
Anyway, the man soon alights and leaves the lady/woman still ranting.
By this time I am so proud of the woman.

She must have forgotten her own key,or she did not know where they were going because 20 metres ahead,she alighted too.Total anti-climax I must say.
The two of them, by the way,ended up not taking the money they were being offered by the small conductor and adding more cash to reach their destination am sure.
That is the end of my story, however,in the spirit of love; (I assumed they were a couple),shouldn't the man have stood up to this logical thinking woman? And also, maybe the woman should have alighted when asked very politely I must add by the man?
Love is patient,love is understanding...

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: Toa uniform wewe!!!

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: Toa uniform wewe!!!: A few years back while in high school,a few of my classmates after returning from a successful outing in coast returned to face charges of a...

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: Toa uniform wewe!!!

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: Toa uniform wewe!!!: A few years back while in high school,a few of my classmates after returning from a successful outing in coast returned to face charges of a...

Toa uniform wewe!!!

A few years back while in high school,a few of my classmates after returning from a successful outing in coast returned to face charges of a planned exercise of painting Mombasa red.
The thought crossed my mind as I traversed  the streets of Nairobi this morning. I began to momentarily question the saying-if it walks and talks like a duck,then its a duck. Although, I believe that the problem originates from what the definition of a duck is.
These particular group of Kenyans looked like they were on an unholy pilgrimage having been released from a maximum confinement facility.
Were they so dis attached from the real world that they forgot untucked blouses no longer looked cool. Seriously, hopping from one city establishment to another clad in school uniform just portrays the dwindlingvlevel of style you posses.
Boys and girls,in 2016,combining your school uniform with funny hairstyles, cheap bandas and jewellery is wrong.
Heckling and using worn out sheng across the street disturbs us hardworking citizens and robs us our peace. It is worse when done in school uniform.
Your attire does nothing for you, you are a bother and should go home and at least change.then you may sneak and join other misguided individuals on the definition of 'cool and 'fun'.
Is that not the first lesson you learnt,when you first joined school?
"Toa  uniform!".

THERE IS NO OTHR WAY TO SAY IT, REALLY.

This is a topic I appreciate plagues a considerable number of women especially those who are just through form four and through first year to college.
I am just going to dive straight into what I am compelled to say. some are from my own experience and some from friends experiences and some well, common sense.
ladies, girls when you get pregnant prematurely, it seems like its the end of life but it is not. its the beginning of a journey that you have to find the strength to embark.
Pregnancy is not a guarantee of love, or commitment. please, understand that.
Pregnancy is not a license to make horrible decisions for your life. You can still pick yourself up, dust yourself and move on.
Your child's sperm donor is not the only man remaining in this world, there is a man out there who loves you just as you are. baby and all- give him a chance.
Not all men are your child sperm donor, good men still exist.
when you get pregnant, don't make the decision to run away for the man, talk it over with your partner before making a decision. As rarely celebrated as they are, there are some men who take their responsibilities quite seriously.
There is always help, take it.
As many times as you fail, pick yourself up.
Abuse is not love- small girls move on.
harsh- if you come to my place to seek assylum from a sorry excuse of a man, and then take my advice and shove it down the drain plus all the help I have given you and still make the choice to leave and return to your hell: thats stupid. And be prepeared to face your hell, only leave when you are sure you are out.
There is no other way to say this.

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: I CANNOT LET IT GO

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: I CANNOT LET IT GO: a few days ago, I was privileged to attend the inaugural Kenya Actors Guild Monologue challenge as  a performer. I have never prepared for ...

I CANNOT LET IT GO

a few days ago, I was privileged to attend the inaugural Kenya Actors Guild Monologue challenge as  a performer.
I have never prepared for a role quite as much as I had for this particular one. I inquired from my friend who is a talented creative writer and we discussed. i rehearsed in the bathroom , in the bus, in my head. Everywhere, literally.
I was determined to top any other performance I had ever delivered. I was sure i would be at least top three, I prayed and prayed that God would see me through this time because I had been on that stage before and I had not liked my performance very much{ a stage like that}.
Because, the performance is not what I am dwelling on, I will say that I never wonand my marks would not hvae earned me top 5. I was devastated even though at the back of mind, I knew I had done better than last time.
It has been 4 days since another girl was announced the winner and i have not stopped thinking of my next performance. I have researched the internet, I have reviewed the judges comments, I have not prayed yet, I am afraid God may not answer but I will get around to doing that because after all, fear is simply demonic.
[I will explain another day}
I am obssesed to say the least and I absolutely believe that until I get my spot among the top I cannot rest.  I simply cannot let it go.
And I cannot wait for the next challenge to be better. I am working hard so that I can achieve my goals.
Okay, mostly this one called monologue challenge, I don't think as for now I even remember any other goal.I really want to mostly top my previous performance and it just occurred to me that if I approach this challenge like a personal challenge to better myself and my craft, the victory will be so unexpected because when that day comes- the victory will be sure and absolute.
you know kind of like when the judges for the got talent shows press the golden buzzer.

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MY EASTER ENCOUNTER...

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MY EASTER ENCOUNTER...: This is a simple story about a simple girl and her simple Easter. Well, Good Friday if I was to be precise. i just could not wait to share m...

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MY EASTER ENCOUNTER...

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MY EASTER ENCOUNTER...: This is a simple story about a simple girl and her simple Easter. Well, Good Friday if I was to be precise. i just could not wait to share m...

MY EASTER ENCOUNTER...

This is a simple story about a simple girl and her simple Easter. Well, Good Friday if I was to be precise. i just could not wait to share my Good Friday experience.
I spent the whole day catching up on episodes of Undercover boss, you see my recent abode has Zuku installation so I make a point to watch almost every episode of the series and any other thing I wish to know via you tube. Taking advantage of opportunity. I digress(I picked up that line in some article I read, I liked it)

So, later at about 5 o'clock I went to church- ICC Imara Daima for a service. If I am being honest I was going because they said they had a play within the service.
Flash forward, the play was awesome. It was about Jesus of course and it really brought the point of the sacrifice Christ made for us home. Then the pastor stood up and i was like:"Really, you want to preach now?" You see , I have this very limited concentration thresh hold and many times i find difficult to listen for long periods of time and so, I just head the verse he read which I don't recall but it was about Nicodemus.
So, the sermon went by as i planned my next monologue- yeah. I just usually max out like that.
Then all of a sudden, I was back with the pastor as he was ushering us into prayer. He called on those who were not born again or wanted to re-dedicate their life to Christ afresh to go to the alatar, and the pastors and prayer warriours would pray with them.
I decided I was not in that category.

The spirit of God had other special plans for me, By the time the Minister of God reached the  category for people who would just like to come to the Lord and lay their burdens, I was in tears. Like, I could not stop crying. Still, I stuck to my chair and said I would pray for myself, The more I resisted the more I cried. Tears rolled out freely and I could feel  a great weariness just come over me. I kept telling myself that I was so tired and the tears flowed.

Then I checked and my neighbor ha gone to be prayed for. I decided that maybe God was giving me my own courage and so I got up to go to the altar.

The woman greeted me and asked my name. That is as far as I went, I now fully broke down, I could not even tell her what was wrong all I knew is that I was tired and needed help. I cried through the prayer and she resonated with the cry of my heart, that Lord return the joy.  I knew that is exactly what I needed and was glad she was led to pray like that.

I know it doesn't sound possible but as we said Amen, the tears were gone and I felt secure. Just secure. I went to my seat with the feeling you get  after a shower after a long day.
And that is my encounter with the Spirit of God, it is just too good to be kept to myself.
Happy Easter people!

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: THIS LITTLE FOX

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: THIS LITTLE FOX: Song of Solomon 2:15 " Catch for the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom"{New interna...

THIS LITTLE FOX

Song of Solomon 2:15 " Catch for the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom"{New international Version}
Gossip is defined as idle talk or rumor, especially about the private or personal affairs of others. {Wikipedia}. I feel compelled to add that it is an art of spreading rumor or perpetuating idle talk about the private or personal life of others.
gossip thrives in spreading information that is often times untrue. It thrives becuase usually, becasue there is a willing deliverer and a willing recipient. Let me skip the details of what gossip entails and how it circulates and try to explain the effects of gossip in our relationships.

Gossip usually gives birth to negative conclusions about the subject of the gossip. What this does, is that it makes those partaking in the gossip who am going to call gossips feel superior to the one they are talking about. Other times, it breeds jealousy among the gossips toward the gosippee. In any gossip groups, the gosippee is a friend. When feelings of superiority and/or jealousy begin arising between friends, then this relationship is headed for the woods. You see because these bad feelings are bred through gossip, the chances that these two friends will ever sit and talk about their feelings are almost nil.Eventually, their friendship dies.

This is something that could have been avoided if we had just stuck to highlighting the good stuff about our friends and kept mum about the personal life of others. Seriously, don't we have enough of our own lives to last us eternity? Gossip takes away the ability to see and face our own issues and work on them effectively  and instead focus on idle talk that wastes our very valuable time.

Gossip hinders us from helping our friend when they really need our help. We already have preconceived notions we gathered from a gossip session and so it is quite difficult to actually help a friend who really needs our help. in extreme circumstances, people have been known to even commit suicide because of friends not being there for them or spreading a funny rumor about them.
Gossip takes us away from our pursuit of righteousness, it in itself is a sin and it ushers a million other sins therefore taking us away from God and this is not a good position to be in.

This little fox destroys our vineyard of love. it is imperative for us to catch them and burn them so as to have healthy love vineyards. Whether you are the deliverer or the recipient, how about you try to change how you live and interact with your friends.

Let us have a healthy vineyard of love rid of little foxes weekend !

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MASK OFF(chapter two0

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MASK OFF(chapter two0: ...the Reason why they would think that my reasons were stupid is because they were. i would cry and sometimes still do because my dad shout...

MASK OFF(chapter two0

...the Reason why they would think that my reasons were stupid is because they were. i would cry and sometimes still do because my dad shouted at me or somebody made reference to my inability to be a good mother to my son. I remember one time I threw all caution to the wind and went out to meet my friends out of town. things did not go according to plan and I returned home a little late. I even bought vegetables in town so that i would not delay supper any later. on reaching home, my sister was so pissed at me for leaving my child with her for that long. i should have told her for how long I was going to be out. I understand that but for me the words she chose too use just cut me into pieces. Any comment that comes my way in the form of criticism is often construed as an attack on me as a person.
Well, that has been my life for so long but I guess that if you are alive, you have to live. I am a firm believer in God and his existence and that God has a lot of love to give. Truth be told God has always had my back and I believe he is the sole purpose that I did not crawl into deeper darkness. I believe he is my strength.

Now I hope you don't expect a dramatic turn around but what happened and is still happening is what I call a David journey. I call it because David was so imperfect but he always stood up to to his mistakes and repented and he ended up as being the man after God's own heart.
In 2015, God sent several people in my life who have helped work on my esteem but I think it is important to say that they were just guides. The real person to pull out of darkness is me.

God sent me a lady called Ruth who taught me to appreciate my body. We literally went through what clothes I could wear and encouraged me to appreciate who I was. She even took her time to apply make up on me and I felt good. This encounter taught me that How you look on the outside contributes to a good extent how you look on the inside. I get it now, when you dress to dress and not to cover up, and feel comfortable, it actually boosts your mood and ultimately self-esteem.

God sent me my current boyfriend who is my number one cheerleader and when stuff is going downward spiral, he is there to hold me back up in his own way. No, he is far from Alejandro but I am glad he is there. Now, before you think that I am finding my validity in a man, that's not it. The fact  is that I needed help and I take it from wherever it comes from. And the point is, I am simply learning lessons about me that i had never known before. That I had never known exist.

My home church K.A.G Kakamega town Youth fraternity is a small community of angels. Everyone there accepts everyone. This group really believes in God and accepts people just the way they are. Everyone knows who behaves how and they are accepted just like that. It is a pleasure to be with them and they are a great support system in terms of just being in  a safe space to make mistakes and learn  and be who you are.
Acting is a great therapeutic tool. it is what I do best. I have been told that I have done well by some of the best directors in Kenya. So, what stops me from being a a star? Nothing.

Prayer plays a key role and I believe that finding yourself in Christ day by day helps make life enjoyable and worth living.

Low self esteem is a poison that slowly kills the joy of life and even though people like me really need a lot of validation to prop us up, it is our own decision to change our life. I made the decision and now am on the journey. I still cry but I understand it now as a healing process and not as a condemnation phase. Oh yes, I removed some clothes from my wardrobe and I actually use lipstick- purple by the way. I get that I am not the only person in the world and the world is made up of other people.
I appreciate myself and I want to baptize this blog and re-name it GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA and be true to what I put in it as my stuff.
Thank you.

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MASK OFF(chapter one)

GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA: MASK OFF(chapter one): I am generally a very talkative girl when presented with the opportunity. I can also be annoyingly quiet when in unfamiliar territory. Well...

MASK OFF(chapter one)

I am generally a very talkative girl when presented with the opportunity. I can also be annoyingly quiet when in unfamiliar territory.
Well, that is what I tell myself. The truth is that I have suffered self esteem issues since I joined high school. I always believe that I am not good enough and until I feel that I am or somebody else points that out in me, then I would rather shut up and let those who care to believe, believe what they will. I am still battling with those issues up to now and have never really let myself out to anybody seeing as I am too scared to reveal myself to the world. I would much rather wait to tailor make myself into what I believe the world  wants  before the great reveal.

It is this lack of self belief that has made me cry myself to sleep so many nights, it is this same disbelief in myself that has made me comfortable when people label me as the tasteless one when it came to so many life matters. It is also this disbelief in myself that has led me to be so vulnerable to pain and hurt because i have confused the little attention i receive from people as a sign of undying love. My need to please people I deem society worthy has caused me embarrassment so many times. Many a times, i have simply locked myself in my room and cried and then came out to face my life- a life I have not loved for some time now.I have not bought poison but have considered the world without me a couple of times. I am afraid of hell so I don't think I would go that way.

This low self esteem has made me wear clothes that could be called trashy in a bid to prove that I too could fit in the fashion at that time or simply put on clothes because i was naked. I have a great body but for many years I have been ashamed at my curves, at my breasts. I did  not like them at all and often wondered why God saw it fit to give me a booty like mine. Or why he made my breasts sprout in class five when none of mu fellow classmates had.
It is this same self esteem that made/makes me argue all the time because I am so desperate to prove that I can make a point too. That I was still relevant.

I ended up pregnant after dating a guy for two weeks. This I must say was among the last nails on my coffin of wallowing in self hate. Now I knew that I was really stupid. I struggled to keep it together after escaping an abortion operation by a whisker.
Every man that said past a hallo to me was a husband material. I desperately wanted to feel needed and loved.I wanted to feel important so desperately.
Oh yes, I laughed but I knew that I was a mess inside me, a ticking time bomb. My crying episodes went a notch higher but It was just me and my sheets and sometimes God. I had learned that you didn't rub your eyes when you cry because that was what caused eye swelling and the redness. and should someone ask me why I was crying, I knew the answer would never make sense to them.

 (join me for chapter two)

THSI PARTICULAR CHRISTIAN BROTHER...(prt two)

...this new road was unfamiliar for Mara. When he started asking her how the cookie tasted, when did somebody hen pave it. Was somebody allowed to have it while pregnant?
unfortunately, Mara answered all his questions as best as she could because anyway, does eating the cookie once or twice make you the professor of cookie eating all of a sudden?
why did he suddenly need to ask Mara all these questions? what gave him the right to ask her all these questions?/ would he have dared to ask her if she had not gotten pregnant?
that is a question for another day.
so, it was during one of these insane late night sharing of sexual experience(at least on Mara's part) that Gephas made a stunning revelation.
He told Mara that all along, ever since he met her actually he had had feelings for her but was unable to act on them since he was a bit older and he had realized this only after Mara had finished form four.
Mara was over the moon and like a burst water pipe, began to pour out all that was in her heart, she went on and on about how she too had had feelings for him, about how she too just did not know how to share them with him, she went on about why he did not tell her about it. To which he replied that he was afraid of her father. As Mara would recall, she talked most of the rest of the night, all this time opening her heart too the man she had always thought would replace Peter, her primary school sweetheart.
Shocker!!! sine they were now past, the feelings part having established their feelings for each other, Mara, decided to ask about what happened to his previous girlfriend since a man does not open up about his feelings for you while they belong to another, right?
nope! wrong! well, not entirely wrong unless the man was simply taking you for an emotional road trip but only you were on the road, he never went with you. something like a GPS. he knows the road and so he is able to lead you very well along it but he is right where he was at the start of the journey or in Mara's case, he is heading a completely different direction.
Gephas took this particular ooprtunity to make his great reveal- 'swiry'. this is a woman who he was in a relationship with for two yeras and he loved her so much. yeah yeah, whatever man.
as shocking and a tad too painful as it was for Mara, not so much about the woman but about the staggering realization that she had been dealt on a good one, she held her head high and replied Oh! she could e casual too about the matter , right?
so, what was this saved brother getting at by his bastard like behaviour. wass it a moment of satanic influence or what? Mara will never understand. she also will never understand his casual treatment of their interractions, lik ethey never happened.
it took a coule of failed attempts for Mara to totally move on from this saved brother and his consatnt emotional manipulations and unclear signals buut at least she installed a GPS system for future road trips.
The saved brother is now married and when alone Mara reminds herself that she was always alone in this game and hopes that she is wiser now.  She has learned that the gem with the roughest edges is mostly the most precious ones. what she doesn't get is this," is Jesus not a source of peace and not pain? How can somebody who claims to have him behave the opposite by such a large margin? Hmmm....

Red-hot carpet: THIS PARTICULAR CHRISTIAN BROTHER(prt 1)

Red-hot carpet: THIS PARTICULAR CHRISTIAN BROTHER(prt 1): Mara's mother always told her that if she  got a man, he should be saved. i agree, because in all honesty, how can two walk together unless...

THIS PARTICULAR CHRISTIAN BROTHER(prt 1)

Mara's mother always told her that if i get a man, he should be saved. i agree, because in all honesty, how can two walk together unless they agree?(Amos3;3).
however, there is this crucial part of the equation that mothers forget to add, mine included. that, if you happen to find a brother who is not a practicing born again, you cannot change him, rather, he will draw you to his way and then boom! i know it sounds like it should be common sense but as Mara found out,common sense was not hat much common. Anyway, for today, that is not the point.because I am not yet sure how to down that road without being hypocritical or judgmental. Let me tell you about this christian brother. Whether he is a practicing born again is between him and Jesus.
Mara was seven months pregnant by the time she was finally able to tell her parents and go home. Gephas was her neighbor back in the village. he was at the time, the only one of all her neighbors the one she could relate. Gephas was a little older than her but they could talk and laugh. he always made her uncomfortable and nervous and Mara did a long list of stupid things when she was around the guy. she was a fluent speaker( she is a performing artiste-speech is vital for the success of this chosen career path) but somehow, she stammered through everything she said when she was with him. she trembled even, damn, she could hear her voice shake. she only got that feeling when she was on stage, you know while performing an act. Which is exactly what she would do whenever she was in the presence of this man.
Mara considered this Gephas person a friend. so, since she had jumped the hurdle of telling her parents about the pregnancy, she could tell her friends, at least the ones who did not know yet. one of them was Gephas. she settled on a text because she dared not call lest he ignored her quite openly.
the sequence she has now gotten used to followed;
shock- disbelief('' What! you are lying, uwongo)- awkward questions( so, what are you going to do?, who is the father?)-moment of silence-asking for time to process( let me call you).
Call he did,albeit  late into the night. and my oh my. He was exactly what Mara needed. He was not judgmental, they joked about it and Mara felt a little at ease. The following months were late night  chats which would sometimes go late into the night. he was always so encouraging and supportive. always telling her to pray for her baby every day, to be still and let God be God. all this was so cool and very helpful through out her pregnancy.
He was there even for the delivery, at least he was one of the people he texted to ask for prayers when the doctors told her her baby was in distress and she needed surgery. He even came to see her in hospital and brought with him a card.
All this time, Mara's head knew that he was just a big brother. but why did her body temperature shoot any time he was around her, and why did did she anticipate a message from him all the time?
Brother Gephas was still supportive even after the birth of the baby and would still text until his encouragement  took a different turn altogether.

Red-hot carpet: I WISH HE CHEATED

Red-hot carpet: I WISH HE CHEATED: Most people in a relationship dread the day they either catch their other half cheating or they simply find out he/she was cheating on them....

I WISH HE CHEATED

Most people in a relationship dread the day they either catch their other half cheating or they simply find out he/she was cheating on them. the thought that he saw somebody else apart form you is what hurts the most. then follows the regret of the time you two spent together. afterward, the details- the money you spent on this ungrateful human, the friends you bailed because of him/ her. the parties you missed because he was sick. (I have at this point decided to use he as my case in point). you know, the little things that make you actually believe that being hypnotized is real.
but, what if the day comes that you live wishing that he made a mistake so you could leave him? what if you fell in love with two people and as each day passes, you constantly wish that it was the other one?
lets call her Mara. she had a great man by his side who evidently adored her. however, the bug of the ex bit her.( remind me again, why are exes usually more interesting than bae. you know, the ex whom you just stopped talking to, not that you two fought or something.)
Peter, was a fashion blogger and a poet. so, he was a creative like her. she sought him out on face book and eventually on whats app. and boy, wasn't he way more fun than her bae Raphael. he actually got her jokes and went along with her sarcasm. eventually, she began to look forward to Peters conversations which i might add effortlessly trailed late into the night.
even though Mara knew that Raphael loved her, try as she might, their chats would last 15min before he explained how tired he was and needed to rest because he had work the next day, you see Raphael was an accountant. they basically had nothing to talk about save for complaints of fatigue and boring details about one meeting or the other.
with Peter, they connected artistically. they would exchange links, and share blogs.
Mara was a good girl, no; she could not possibly break up with Raphael. A midst his dull jokes and lack of conversational skills, he still was the most caring man she had ever met. He knew when she needed him. and he had been there for her through very dark times in her life, actually he was the only one who had been there to hold her hand and tell her, it would be okay.
as selfish as it sounded, but thank God it was only in her head; what if she caught him ccheating. then she would leave and go to be in the arms of Peter. and they would have this fairy tell union where the man always perfectly understand the woman.
ooh well, at this stage of her life, she knows that what a woman really needs is a man to stand with her in the darkness and whisper 'bae is here'.a man who will hold her till she calms down and the tears are dry.
 she could try to simplify the jokes for him so that he laughs... maybe.

Red-hot carpet: A LETTER TO MY SMALL SISTER

Red-hot carpet: A LETTER TO MY SMALL SISTER: Dear Sister, Hallo, I am aware we have not had quite the textbook sister to sister relationship. However, I would like to share some life l...