MY THREE LEGENDS

 I always knew I wanted to be a mother.However, I didn't have reasons for it.I just knew that it was the natural course of life. I also always knew that I wanted my first born to be a boy and then a girl. For this, I had a pretty good reason. I wanted to rewrite my own life .At least a small part of it. I always wanted a big brother.A sibling who would love for me just as I saw my siblings love each other. Well, that's a story for another time. 

God is a God of miracles and his plans are higher than mine. Once he began to bless me with the gift of children, he saw it fit that I mother three sons.I know that sounds like a lot.I call them my three legends.

I genuinely believe that these sons of mine will accomplish big things on this side of eternity. I am so privileged to be the mother to three sons.So many people looking from the outside in talk to me about how difficult it is to raise three boys. It is a handful but with my three legends it is really straightforward. My boys are really easy to raise. As soon as I understood how full of life they all were, being a mother to them became so much better.

Each of my three legends have distinct personalities. They are all very opinionated individuals which makes my house a courthouse majority of the time. None of them is a pushover.

The noise and reports makes for very lively and noisy days and evenings and sometimes early mornings.The name "mum" is called so many times in a day it leaves a ring when I go to sleep.It is when I received all my three legends together that I began to sleep like a log 

Tonight as I spread my bed ,as the sheet flew, I thought about my legends. I thought about them turning a task I can complete in a short while a whole game which extends the period of spreading the bed to about fifteen minutes. I remembered them eagerly standing on the side of the bed waiting for me to finish so that they can jump on my well made bed.It made me smile.

(My legends are with their grandma for the holidays.Yes, by the sheer Grace of God I am a very good mother to three sons but I need to fill my cup once in a while. )

I have made a promise myself to parent these legends of mine without murmuring. To be thankful for every precious second I get to spend with them. I thank God who made me their steward as they transition to men of substance.Every single day, I ask God to show me how to do this important job.

My three legends are special .I truly believe that their story is just being written 

THE LETTER(I HOPE IT REACHES YOU)

 Dear Olive,

I trust that this letter reaches you on time.

I got your email.You had banked on me opening my email long after it was too late for me to do anything but I guess fate had other plans. You see I have enrolled in this online class that requires us to constantly check our emails - tough luck.

I have read your email several times.I am pretty certain that I am finally able to share my thoughts with you from a point of clarity and sobriety. It made me feel a little crappy but just for a short time. For about a day and a half I churned my mind over and over looking for ways I could have seen you.Like really seen you.I went through so many events in mind wondering which one was the day that there was a crack and I had not caught it. Well, I am sorry that I did not find the day. I am sorry that I was not able to see the real you even though we shared so many years of life together.

Olive, you are my source of strength.I always pour out my issue to you because you always know what to say. You always have helpful tit bits of information that I found helpful.Oh Olive, I am sorry I never gave you feedback of all the help you gave me.Tell me, would this help you to feel better about yourself?

In your detailed email, you speak of impossibilities. You tell me you have searched for happiness and it has always been elusive only making short lived appearances once in a while.I understand. I have been there Olive, I occasionally get there.I cannot tell you to hang on.I don't believe you are left with that option.I can only tell you I understand.

I am not sad or angry. I am a tad disappointed that we could not contribute enough joy to make you stay.You wrote to me that you are so tired. I understand.When we get too tired, we cannot give anymore.When we are all drained, we cannot pour anyore.I understand my dear.

I want you to know that you mattered to me.I need you to know that you are a rare gem full of kindness and compassion. Thank you for not letting those you plan on leaving behind wonder what could have been.

It is such a painful circumstance.I want you to know I understand.I am thankful that you got to read my response.

I understand why you must end your life on this side of the planet.Dear Olive, as you pass on to the next life,I wish for you to find your happiness.I wish for you the capacity to discover your own strength within.I wish for you to always have the strength to rise again even when you get tired.I wish for you that life will treat you kinder over there.I wish for you light.

Goodbye Dear Friend,I understand.

PS: thank you for the party invitation.We will truly celebrate for we know for sure,it will be your last.

KEEPING ON...

 I must have either heard or read, "If life you say life is hard, what are you comparing it against?" Good question. Life is just life. Life presents itself in different forms. It can come disguised as something which we lack the capacity to deal with and sometimes life presents itself as a challenge we are able to easily handle. We need to train ourselves to believe that what we face in life is something that we are able to deal with. We need to believe that we have the capacity to handle how life presents itself to us.

The covid 19 pandemic hit some of us hard. We were not prepared for a scenario like that and we had to face the music. I had to face the music. My source of income had just come to an end and our industry was no longer offering paying jobs due to the uncertainty of the situation in the country. I have been broke before but there was a silver lining. I have always known how to come out the other side with may head above water but this was different. Everybody was in a fix, starting a hustle at the time seemed like an impossible dream. However, what the period offered me was time to gain some insight on life. 

Life is fickle. Life as we know it can change in the twinkle of an eye. That period revealed to me just how powerless the human race could get but at the same time just how deep humanity could feel.

During the pandemic, humanity was forced to dig deep into their humanity and make human connections. It was beautiful for some and disastrous for others.It was beautiful for me. I spent a lot of time with my young family then.We talked about dreams and goals. All of us were present because COVID cut out distractions. 

During the pandemic, all that mattered was being alive. All of a sudden the extremities of life didn't mean much. We cried with those who lost the battle to COVID and we celebrated with those who beat the virus.

People set up complete orchestras in their buildings to entertain their friends and neighbours. Friends and family created time to spend with each other on various social media platforms. It was beautiful. In my world,I understood that there was still hope for humanity.

On the other hand, as the limits of humanity was being stretched, some people received the shorter end of the stick. Couples filed for divorce because they discovered that they were not compatible. Living together for long periods of time caused them to face the reality of who they really were and many could not stand who they were faced with.

Sadly, cases of domestic Violence rose exponentially. I personally attribute this to extreme levels of stress borne from the circumstances brought about by COVID -19.There was a lot of loss of jobs and lock downs which was scary for many people. For many people, their mental health was unsteady and faced with a little stress, they caved in.

Life is uncertain. Life will change. It is upto us to understand that there are seasons in life and to be ready to appreciate the seasons of life we are in. Not only should we appreciate ,we should also be conscious of the seasons of life.

I have learned that we need to do our best to prepare for life. Learn to be grateful for the now. Be open minded to change -whether good or bad. Life can indeed get tough and uncertain and during those times, only our mind can get us through. What we believe will guide how we act through life. I believe we should train our mind to believe positive things and be patient.

Life keeps on going. It never stops for anyone. So, keep going....

Remember to extend grace....

When Death hit too close....

 He frantically knocked on my door asking for my husband. I did not like the intrusion but I stood to get my husband who had turned in early that day. My husband was reluctant to go but I urged him. I sensed something was horribly wrong and top of my list was that someone had tried to hurt his family by breaking their bedroom window which faced the road. Nothing prepared me for what came out of his mouth as soon as he saw my husband.

"Irush amekufa!" (translated as Irush is dead). My heart began to race and I held on to the baby I was carrying in my arms. I smiled because I am one of those people whose first reaction to any news is a smile or a laugh. I don't know what it is but that's the way I am wired. I could not move.

This was earth shattering news. It was a bad dream that I knew I would wake from.It was not.Irush had been shot and fatally injured to the head by terrorists. Sadly, he had succumbed and passed away. He was only thirty-one years old and the last born of three. A month prior to his death, he had just held his traditional wedding ceremony and was expecting a child .

The guy in question - "Irush"-was a cousin to my husband. No, we never called him that though.Over the course of their lives, he had grown to be a brother. They practically grew up together. I met him whilst I was dating my husband. We had a cordial relationship and I enjoyed his company whenever we met.

I will miss him this man. He was so full of life and he was funny. He lived his life intentionally. I will remember Irungu for his impeccable sense of neatness and cleanliness. He literally lived in a sterile environment. He had a permanent smile that never left his face. This man loved his family and even though his work took him away from them most of the times, he always made time whenever he could to meet with them. It was not uncommon for him to drop by a brother's workplace in the middle of the day just before he left for a certain police training. Sometimes, he would randomly meet you in town for a drink because those two hours were all he could spare at the time. I will remember him because he made my husband laugh. He made me laugh. I will remember him for his animated stories. His stories were very good. Irungu loved people and in so doing, he also served them joyfully.

The man loved his job and spoke very highly of it. He was a passionate officer of the laws. His work took him to many dangerous places in the country. These places were dangerous but he was well trained .

The news of his demise hit home hard. The pain was so hard and sharp. Most of the people who knew him felt angry that such a beautiful souls had been taken away from us so early.

Despite the sadness and the pain that surrounded his passing, there was an air of celebration. Don't get me wrong, not celebration of his death rather for the first time I witnessed the embodiment of celebrating a life well loved. My brother in law did live well. For the few years that he was allowed on this side of eternity, he lived. Really loved. Not only that but he made a conscious effort to capture memories as much as he could.

The days leading to his burial were indeed heavy but what stood out was the flow of photos that everyone had of him. We had so many memories and in almost 98% of all these pictures, he wore the most radiant smile on his face. Even the ones where he was clad in his full professional gear.

I remember him for living. Really living.I am personally reorganizing my own life so that I can go to the grave empty.

We are all in line to depart this side of eternity.One day, we will die but today, today we are alive. So we live -TODAY. We let go of that which does not bring us joy and peace. We ferociously follow that which brings us life.While we are at it, let's remember to document our life seasons. If not for us, then for those we will leave behind when we pass. The memories of us is all they will have of us.

That's it! Let's keep preaching peace and love in the world. Always remember to extend grace.