I was happy.
I was contented.
I had finally found him,my "the one".
He was very funny and actually got all my jokes. This does not happen often.They say that I have an interesting sense of humor.But he got it,and he laughed.
I think my previous relationship was just bad because in him I found a sense of wholeness.
I felt happier.
Maybe I had just grown up more than the last time and my expectations were a little more sensible but at the time I was completely happy.
Well,I was completely happy with him until he introduced me to his brother.
Now,dont you judge me you "judgers".
At least not until you hear my story.
You see,let me first label these two men so that we do not get lost as I let you in on my story.
Guy 1 ,we shall name Jay and Guy 2,meaning the brother,we shall name Jay.Good...
So Jay is a wildlife photographer which means that he is just busy.
I got together with him because he is also a creative- like me.
But sometimes I don't see ahead and therefore did not anticipate the nights I would spend alone in bed waiting for him.And then,he would come in the wee hours of the morning to take a shower and go back to work.
That arrangement therefore left me with the Kay option.
I need to say they are a cool charismatic family by the way.
So,we got to talking,turns out he was into fitness and diet and all things healthy .
That's very attractive in a man especially for a lonely girl.
One bike ride in Karura Forest led to a mountain hike in Mt.Longonot and finally the grand finale which was witnessed by Jay on the couch.It was not possible to explain the very compromising situation that Kay and I were in.
Here is the most interesting twist(yes,I will just go ahead and tell you where the twist in my story is),Kay did not fling me aside and try to deny what was happening.No,we did not continue and no it was not sex,just compromising.
Things a brother and a brothers girlfriend should not be doing.
Kay and Jay just stood there looking at each other,the pain of the double betrayal paralyzing Jay right where he stood.Then Kay did something that was both stupid and heroic,he said," Bro,I love her."
It was between those words properly reaching my ears and me digesting them that Jay landed a heavy blow on his brothers face which sent him spiralling on the glass table.
Blood spattered all over the red and white carpet which Kay had once told me was Jays pride and joy.It was his first year project in school.
It was in that moment I looked at Kays body that I knew that my life would not be the same should Kay die.
I dont know when I made the switch but it had happened.I hated Jay for what he had done to Kay.
Okay,for those who really want to know what happened to Kay and not focus on the fact that I chose one brother over the other,I will tell you.
Kay passed away on that table.Jay took flight but was arrested soon after and is now cooling his murderous self in a Kenyan maximum security prison.
I have not found what I had with the brothers.I am cooling my- what Kays mother called-' devilish spawn' self in a mental institution somewhere.My doctor told me that writing would help me get better .They believe I was sick but I am just a girl who found too much love in one house and then it was no more.
Wednesday 17 May 2017
Tuesday 4 April 2017
Love is...Part two
...I tried looking for the pain in my heart but it was absent. Mostly I just felt stupid. It was so clear now the eyes of my heart hurt.
Of course this was Sandra- the primary school sweetheart he would not shut up about. I had thought(and thankfully so) that she had moved to the United States. From the little I had heard from my Paul she was a terrific actor. So good was she that she had gotten a full scholarship to go study arts in some prestigious drama school, Brown University.
She was back!
Paul would spend a good chunk of our time together talking about his long lost love. The funniest bit is that I would listen, even though I knew he had simply settled: for me.
I convinced myself that it was still okay since I was second best and he was the best thing that had ever happened to my life. I had met a couple of ... - how do I put it gently- different men in my time and I guess I was not ready to let an amazing man like Paul go because I was not the last thing he thought about when he went to sleep.
Paul made me feel important. He made me feel like I really could conquer anything in my life. Paul was so caring it almost seemed unreal. He did not open doors or hold my hand while going down the stairs(I think just like me, he figured that the stairs had rails or I could just go down slowly and carefully), but he did open my mind to possibilities. Possibilities of happiness, of hope, of better. These happy moments were special in spite of the cloud of the loss of Sandra(meaning they had lost touch since primary school)always hanging on our heads. I welcomed this cloud as a shield from the harsh realities of relationships such as cheating and spite. Paul treated me so well; maybe he felt guilty because he knew deep down that he could never give me his all. Paul had accepted me inspire of all my short comings. We had been through so much together,he and I.
I was jerked out of my thoughts by that voice that I knew now I would never forget in spite of whatever would happen in that room.
“Purity...” Instantly, his hands tightened around the sleepy Sandra when she stirred awake.
The scene unfolding before my eyes was nothing short of amazing.
“P, what’s going on.” A sleepy, slightly raspy voice asked beside him.
P.? That’s what she called Him? P was a short for Paul (for the benefit of those who haven’t figured it out). He never used that name anymore. Once when we were in town, an old schoolmate of his from primary school called him that; P. He told me that that was a long time ago and that he now preferred to be called Paul or Baraka. Usually, I called him bae,baby,sweetheart,and any other sweet names I could find.
This Sandra woman just picked up from where they left off in primary school. P is the name she chose and when my man replied; “ I don’t know princess,”, I knew he liked it. The princess acted like royalty, completely trusting her Knight in shining armour called P to handle matters. She did not move away but sought P’s hand and squeezed it.
Then they sat up and looked at me.
I cleared my throat, caressed the gun in my trench coat pocket and began my pitch because clearly this royal couple was never going to.
“Sandra, yes?” I went on...,not addressing anyone in particular. “I came to kill you.”Now to add drama to my words, -I have always been dramatic-I took out my gun and placed it on the dressing table.
Again that protective hand gave a squeeze and her highness responded. Now,it started to irritate me.
I picked up my gun, cocked it and pointed at the Princess. “Slowly disentangle yourself from Paul and sit or sleep at the end of the bed,” I said. To my surprise, she did, without a word, just a slight, very quick it’s okay look to P. The distance between the two of them was now comfortable enough to look at and hold a productive exchange of ideas.
“Paul, you could have told me, you know,” I began my presentation .”I am not a monster and neither am I a piece of cheap chocolate that would melt at the slightest rise in temprature.I would get it. I would never force myself on you if you would exclusively told me that the one love of your life was back and that it’s she you wanted. I always knew I was the placeholder but you did not make any promises that you did not keep and I respected that, until now. You Paul should have told me.”
I was shouting now.
He just watched me and I could not help but remember the many times he had done that when I was ranting about one thing or the other especially about my job. He would always watch me talk and would only come in when he was certain I was finished. Normally, he would get the timing correct. Even though I wanted to be in control of the situation, I knew that in this particular situation, this was one I was not able to win. So, I picked another one; one I was sure I would win.
“Take a blanket or something and go sit out in the bathroom. Don't carry a phone, you can read a magazine in the toilet ,”I directed my orders at the Princess. Within the help of my weapon (the cocked gun), I was able to reduce Paul’s protests to a blessed silence. The concern, worry, anxiety, on his face were the victory badges I had been looking for.
Finally just Paul and me.
“You guys dress up after ...you know,”. This was how I had decided to begin my second half of the pitch. I have to say I was not prepared for the answer I got though. I was totally disarmed .
“We are saving ourselves for marriage, ”he said.
What!!! The man I knew loved to have sex, although I have to agree he had been a bit elusive of late, okay maybe not a bit, but he loved it. Now, he was the same man sitting there explaining that he was holding it off until marriage. He was trying to tell me that he was willing to wait for the Princess until such a time as they got married. Paul was trying to tell me that the Princess meant that much to him.I am not saying I didn’t want him to wait for me, just that I didn’t ever believe that my being there, present would be enough to keep him. However, if we are being honest, I am trying to say that I don’t think such an arrangement would have worked with me.I was now jealous and that bitter saliva that would not get past the potato on my throat now threatened to inspire me to pull the trigger of my gun. I held it together, I was jealous and a tad angry but I was not stupid.
“So, you two are a thing called what?” I soldiered on. “Are you lovers, friends, bed mates, companions, brother sister, “I enunciated my question just to make sure the answer I was given was the one to the question I had asked.i
“All of those, the brother and sister not so much.”
“How do you know you are all that.? “This was my counter.
Even as I asked, I realized that my interrogation had shifted from a need to understand why he would be with another woman in a hotel room whilst we were dating to a need to understand how they felt so right for each other, to understand how they looked so right. I wanted to understand how he could care for the Princess with such a tenderness I had never experienced with him.
Paul went on and on about his princess explaining how they talked late into the night about everything-their work, they’re school days. I saw his face light up when he described a restaurant they were working on. The Princess understood his work and exchanged ideas with him. I was a business manager, I didn’t know much about design and decorating and of all things restaurants. He kept talking and as he did, I could see a light in his eyes that I had never seen before.
Right there, I knew that there were many things that could dim that light dancing in his eyes but me demanding that he didn’t leave me was not going to be one of them.I had lost my Paul,heck,I had never had him. I was holding a place for royalty and it was time to relinquish the spot.
“You are an amazing woman,I am just not the man for you, “ he said.
“I know that Paul....I was just never willing to accept that. I guess I just wanted closure. You were a coward not to tell me when it was over though but I guess the Princess in the bathroom has covered that punishment.
“She is a lucky woman and the gun is not loaded.”
As I locked the door behind me,buttoning my coat, I knew I had done right by me. I walked out knowing I wanted what the Princess and her Knight had.
The crazy woman was helpful after all...
Of course this was Sandra- the primary school sweetheart he would not shut up about. I had thought(and thankfully so) that she had moved to the United States. From the little I had heard from my Paul she was a terrific actor. So good was she that she had gotten a full scholarship to go study arts in some prestigious drama school, Brown University.
She was back!
Paul would spend a good chunk of our time together talking about his long lost love. The funniest bit is that I would listen, even though I knew he had simply settled: for me.
I convinced myself that it was still okay since I was second best and he was the best thing that had ever happened to my life. I had met a couple of ... - how do I put it gently- different men in my time and I guess I was not ready to let an amazing man like Paul go because I was not the last thing he thought about when he went to sleep.
Paul made me feel important. He made me feel like I really could conquer anything in my life. Paul was so caring it almost seemed unreal. He did not open doors or hold my hand while going down the stairs(I think just like me, he figured that the stairs had rails or I could just go down slowly and carefully), but he did open my mind to possibilities. Possibilities of happiness, of hope, of better. These happy moments were special in spite of the cloud of the loss of Sandra(meaning they had lost touch since primary school)always hanging on our heads. I welcomed this cloud as a shield from the harsh realities of relationships such as cheating and spite. Paul treated me so well; maybe he felt guilty because he knew deep down that he could never give me his all. Paul had accepted me inspire of all my short comings. We had been through so much together,he and I.
I was jerked out of my thoughts by that voice that I knew now I would never forget in spite of whatever would happen in that room.
“Purity...” Instantly, his hands tightened around the sleepy Sandra when she stirred awake.
The scene unfolding before my eyes was nothing short of amazing.
“P, what’s going on.” A sleepy, slightly raspy voice asked beside him.
P.? That’s what she called Him? P was a short for Paul (for the benefit of those who haven’t figured it out). He never used that name anymore. Once when we were in town, an old schoolmate of his from primary school called him that; P. He told me that that was a long time ago and that he now preferred to be called Paul or Baraka. Usually, I called him bae,baby,sweetheart,and any other sweet names I could find.
This Sandra woman just picked up from where they left off in primary school. P is the name she chose and when my man replied; “ I don’t know princess,”, I knew he liked it. The princess acted like royalty, completely trusting her Knight in shining armour called P to handle matters. She did not move away but sought P’s hand and squeezed it.
Then they sat up and looked at me.
I cleared my throat, caressed the gun in my trench coat pocket and began my pitch because clearly this royal couple was never going to.
“Sandra, yes?” I went on...,not addressing anyone in particular. “I came to kill you.”Now to add drama to my words, -I have always been dramatic-I took out my gun and placed it on the dressing table.
Again that protective hand gave a squeeze and her highness responded. Now,it started to irritate me.
I picked up my gun, cocked it and pointed at the Princess. “Slowly disentangle yourself from Paul and sit or sleep at the end of the bed,” I said. To my surprise, she did, without a word, just a slight, very quick it’s okay look to P. The distance between the two of them was now comfortable enough to look at and hold a productive exchange of ideas.
“Paul, you could have told me, you know,” I began my presentation .”I am not a monster and neither am I a piece of cheap chocolate that would melt at the slightest rise in temprature.I would get it. I would never force myself on you if you would exclusively told me that the one love of your life was back and that it’s she you wanted. I always knew I was the placeholder but you did not make any promises that you did not keep and I respected that, until now. You Paul should have told me.”
I was shouting now.
He just watched me and I could not help but remember the many times he had done that when I was ranting about one thing or the other especially about my job. He would always watch me talk and would only come in when he was certain I was finished. Normally, he would get the timing correct. Even though I wanted to be in control of the situation, I knew that in this particular situation, this was one I was not able to win. So, I picked another one; one I was sure I would win.
“Take a blanket or something and go sit out in the bathroom. Don't carry a phone, you can read a magazine in the toilet ,”I directed my orders at the Princess. Within the help of my weapon (the cocked gun), I was able to reduce Paul’s protests to a blessed silence. The concern, worry, anxiety, on his face were the victory badges I had been looking for.
Finally just Paul and me.
“You guys dress up after ...you know,”. This was how I had decided to begin my second half of the pitch. I have to say I was not prepared for the answer I got though. I was totally disarmed .
“We are saving ourselves for marriage, ”he said.
What!!! The man I knew loved to have sex, although I have to agree he had been a bit elusive of late, okay maybe not a bit, but he loved it. Now, he was the same man sitting there explaining that he was holding it off until marriage. He was trying to tell me that he was willing to wait for the Princess until such a time as they got married. Paul was trying to tell me that the Princess meant that much to him.I am not saying I didn’t want him to wait for me, just that I didn’t ever believe that my being there, present would be enough to keep him. However, if we are being honest, I am trying to say that I don’t think such an arrangement would have worked with me.I was now jealous and that bitter saliva that would not get past the potato on my throat now threatened to inspire me to pull the trigger of my gun. I held it together, I was jealous and a tad angry but I was not stupid.
“So, you two are a thing called what?” I soldiered on. “Are you lovers, friends, bed mates, companions, brother sister, “I enunciated my question just to make sure the answer I was given was the one to the question I had asked.i
“All of those, the brother and sister not so much.”
“How do you know you are all that.? “This was my counter.
Even as I asked, I realized that my interrogation had shifted from a need to understand why he would be with another woman in a hotel room whilst we were dating to a need to understand how they felt so right for each other, to understand how they looked so right. I wanted to understand how he could care for the Princess with such a tenderness I had never experienced with him.
Paul went on and on about his princess explaining how they talked late into the night about everything-their work, they’re school days. I saw his face light up when he described a restaurant they were working on. The Princess understood his work and exchanged ideas with him. I was a business manager, I didn’t know much about design and decorating and of all things restaurants. He kept talking and as he did, I could see a light in his eyes that I had never seen before.
Right there, I knew that there were many things that could dim that light dancing in his eyes but me demanding that he didn’t leave me was not going to be one of them.I had lost my Paul,heck,I had never had him. I was holding a place for royalty and it was time to relinquish the spot.
“You are an amazing woman,I am just not the man for you, “ he said.
“I know that Paul....I was just never willing to accept that. I guess I just wanted closure. You were a coward not to tell me when it was over though but I guess the Princess in the bathroom has covered that punishment.
“She is a lucky woman and the gun is not loaded.”
As I locked the door behind me,buttoning my coat, I knew I had done right by me. I walked out knowing I wanted what the Princess and her Knight had.
The crazy woman was helpful after all...
Thursday 16 March 2017
Love is...
Okay,so today we are going to do some creative writing.
You know something from my head, a fictitious story. Okay, here I go...
That little,jealous woman who left my boyfriends room number on my desk is the
genesis of the following events.
I knew that we were no longer what we used to be but I was not in the business of looking for evidence. I was not ready to face my truth yet.
However,when the evidence does come up, well,how would I ignore it?
I showed up at Hotel Pronto at 7.00pm.Determined, I pressed button number 2 which would take me to second floor. And then,there I was, infront of the room knowing all too well that once inside,that was it.
I swiped the key card on room 37 and voila,I had crossed the line.
Lying on the bed was a beautiful picture.
The woman comfortably settled in the arms of the man. She was too relaxed, completely letting herself go in the man's arms. The man,though asleep still tightly held the lady,the protectiveness with which he held her was sweet.
Only problem,the man? He was my man..My Paul.
I tried to remember such a time with me and all that came to my mind was a blank slate. Sure,there were good times but not this type of serenity.
I just stood and watched these lovebirds sleep,my man periodically kissing her forehead,her neck,her hands.
I stood and watched as my man tightened his grip on the woman.
I knew this girl,this woman who had seemingly given MY man what I had not managed to give him apparently...
I knew her....
(...To be continued)
You know something from my head, a fictitious story. Okay, here I go...
That little,jealous woman who left my boyfriends room number on my desk is the
genesis of the following events.
I knew that we were no longer what we used to be but I was not in the business of looking for evidence. I was not ready to face my truth yet.
However,when the evidence does come up, well,how would I ignore it?
I showed up at Hotel Pronto at 7.00pm.Determined, I pressed button number 2 which would take me to second floor. And then,there I was, infront of the room knowing all too well that once inside,that was it.
I swiped the key card on room 37 and voila,I had crossed the line.
Lying on the bed was a beautiful picture.
The woman comfortably settled in the arms of the man. She was too relaxed, completely letting herself go in the man's arms. The man,though asleep still tightly held the lady,the protectiveness with which he held her was sweet.
Only problem,the man? He was my man..My Paul.
I tried to remember such a time with me and all that came to my mind was a blank slate. Sure,there were good times but not this type of serenity.
I just stood and watched these lovebirds sleep,my man periodically kissing her forehead,her neck,her hands.
I stood and watched as my man tightened his grip on the woman.
I knew this girl,this woman who had seemingly given MY man what I had not managed to give him apparently...
I knew her....
(...To be continued)
Friday 10 March 2017
THE SHOW MUST GO ON....
In the words of Alessia the musician,the author of a song that is fast becoming my favourite "Scars to your Beautiful", -" ...there is beauty in pain what's a little bit of hunger...".
Then it got me thinking about how little we think of the things that do not quite seem great.The times we have lacked,the times we don't quite fit.Beauty has been closed in a box of flowers and chocolate and stars.Beauty is what makes us ,us.
Beauty is getting over fear of putting on clothes that fit because of not being sure you have the right body.
Beauty is your larger appetite which people find unbecoming of a woman.I mean,it is what it is,that part of your life is you and it is beautiful.
Beauty is being able to tell yourself that the day to day decisions you make in life are decisions that are made by you and for you.
As a woman or man but especially woman,you need to understand that those low moments which look impossible to climb out of are what makes you stronger.I am not even joking.
Sometimes, the decisions we make in our lives look like the death warrant of our success,of our happiness.However,each of this experience, however deep it takes you,you have got to believe that there is a light in the darkness.
Life is a stage,us- actors.There are times that the spotlight is on you.And then it is gone, you are just an onlooker.You need to learn as you look; you need to learn your lines by heart,you need to pick your cues,you need to make sure you have the right costume for when the spotlight is on you and its time to deliver your part to the world.
Rape,abusive relationships,lack of money,low self-esteem,less than decent pasts are some of the things not considered beautiful. They are beautiful because while going through them,and overcoming them; you are better,you are stronger.
You have only got one life, this one you are living now.
The scars in your life have carried you to this point in your life.
And each of them is beautiful.
And even though they came with tears and sadness and lack of sleep and ridicule and rejection; the show must go on....
I have learnt these things through my own life.If I had a dollar for every wrong turn I have taken, I would buy BoraBora Island(I don't know how much it costs,I am guessing a lot).
But I am not who I was yesterday, I am better now.I value myself more now than I have done in my life.
Recognize the beauty in your scars, take your spotlight and let's keep the show rolling....
Then it got me thinking about how little we think of the things that do not quite seem great.The times we have lacked,the times we don't quite fit.Beauty has been closed in a box of flowers and chocolate and stars.Beauty is what makes us ,us.
Beauty is getting over fear of putting on clothes that fit because of not being sure you have the right body.
Beauty is your larger appetite which people find unbecoming of a woman.I mean,it is what it is,that part of your life is you and it is beautiful.
Beauty is being able to tell yourself that the day to day decisions you make in life are decisions that are made by you and for you.
As a woman or man but especially woman,you need to understand that those low moments which look impossible to climb out of are what makes you stronger.I am not even joking.
Sometimes, the decisions we make in our lives look like the death warrant of our success,of our happiness.However,each of this experience, however deep it takes you,you have got to believe that there is a light in the darkness.
Life is a stage,us- actors.There are times that the spotlight is on you.And then it is gone, you are just an onlooker.You need to learn as you look; you need to learn your lines by heart,you need to pick your cues,you need to make sure you have the right costume for when the spotlight is on you and its time to deliver your part to the world.
Rape,abusive relationships,lack of money,low self-esteem,less than decent pasts are some of the things not considered beautiful. They are beautiful because while going through them,and overcoming them; you are better,you are stronger.
You have only got one life, this one you are living now.
The scars in your life have carried you to this point in your life.
And each of them is beautiful.
And even though they came with tears and sadness and lack of sleep and ridicule and rejection; the show must go on....
I have learnt these things through my own life.If I had a dollar for every wrong turn I have taken, I would buy BoraBora Island(I don't know how much it costs,I am guessing a lot).
But I am not who I was yesterday, I am better now.I value myself more now than I have done in my life.
Recognize the beauty in your scars, take your spotlight and let's keep the show rolling....
Thursday 2 March 2017
AUNTIE BOSS now needs you!!!!
So,not that the most watched local program is in trouble,nooooo.
What I mean is, the amazing local program has received 9 nominations.
This is a call for you to vote for them.
Auntie Boss, has been on our screens every week making you laugh and it has literally re-defined local programming in Kenya.
It has broken what has been known as the norm on T.v and the risks everyone involved has taken have led us to this moment.The moment where we have been nominated for the Riverwood Academy Awards.
Auntie Boss introduced to you Nice Wanjeeri as Shiro,the clumsy but likeable housegirl. It also brought you Silprosa played by Sandra Dacha; while everyone was wondering where Eve of Hits not Homework went to after she quit radio,voila,there she was as the rabid girlfriend Varshitta.
Maqbul,once again graces our screens with his undeniable talent playing Donovan.And then there is the amazing Matthew Mamangu who has literally grown up before your very eyes playing Kyle and has been nominated for Best Supporting actor in a T.V series.
All these actors have made you laugh ,cry,hate and now they need you to vote for them here so they can win.
Behind the scenes various crew members ensure that the quality of Auntie Boss is beyond amazing.
This time our Director(s) Arnold Mwanjila and Likarion Wainaina have been nominated for Best Director while our quiet but amazing editor Nicholas Kibathi picked a nomination for Best Editor for a T.V series which is Auntie Boss.
You can vote for them here.
Thank you for always watching Auntie Boss,and if you don't,you need to.
What I mean is, the amazing local program has received 9 nominations.
This is a call for you to vote for them.
Auntie Boss, has been on our screens every week making you laugh and it has literally re-defined local programming in Kenya.
It has broken what has been known as the norm on T.v and the risks everyone involved has taken have led us to this moment.The moment where we have been nominated for the Riverwood Academy Awards.
Auntie Boss introduced to you Nice Wanjeeri as Shiro,the clumsy but likeable housegirl. It also brought you Silprosa played by Sandra Dacha; while everyone was wondering where Eve of Hits not Homework went to after she quit radio,voila,there she was as the rabid girlfriend Varshitta.
Maqbul,once again graces our screens with his undeniable talent playing Donovan.And then there is the amazing Matthew Mamangu who has literally grown up before your very eyes playing Kyle and has been nominated for Best Supporting actor in a T.V series.
All these actors have made you laugh ,cry,hate and now they need you to vote for them here so they can win.
Behind the scenes various crew members ensure that the quality of Auntie Boss is beyond amazing.
This time our Director(s) Arnold Mwanjila and Likarion Wainaina have been nominated for Best Director while our quiet but amazing editor Nicholas Kibathi picked a nomination for Best Editor for a T.V series which is Auntie Boss.
You can vote for them here.
Thank you for always watching Auntie Boss,and if you don't,you need to.
Thursday 9 February 2017
WOMEN are a WOMAN'S own STRENGTH.
I am a woman who has been at her lowest wondering when the light would come.
I am a woman who has ever wondered whether I had an inbuilt system to work my life.
I am a woman who has had and is working hard to simply believe in herself.
I am a woman who has cried herself to sleep more times than she can remember.
I am still a woman who has tried many things, failed,picked herself up and tried again.
I am the woman who got pregnant in campus while in church,gave birth and got back to fixing my life.They say,even though the broken pot can no longer carry water,it can be used to plant beautiful flowers.
I am the woman who will reach ALL her goals and fulfill her dreams before making a dramatic exit from the world.
I am the woman who is God's masterpiece,I am beautiful; I am stronger; I am bolder; I am a lover(of me mostly).
Along the journey of mending my wounded self-esteem.
I have met amazing women along the way and I would like to celebrate some of them in this piece.They have simply inspired me by the way they live and deal with what life throws at them.
Open-mindedness and ready for any challenge are the two words to describe my super friend Yvonne.
Resilience and hardwork are traits that I surely admire in my boss LucyM. She stays up late and works tirelessly to just make sure that her projects come to life and are sustainable.
Self love and Self confidence in one Sexy Sandie made me love my body for what it is.I appreciate that I am curved and there is nothing wrong with my body.And that name is her name.She is such a hardworker and is very thorough in her work.
That what I do and how I do;it is great !This is a philosophy I have learnt from one Ruth Make-up. She has come from so far in life and I admire her spirit for life and her love for God.
Life is a party meant to be enjoyed is what I take away from my dear friend Issa.Yes,she is a woman.In full it's Isabelle.Oh,the woman loves life and I am pretty sure her love for life has greatly influenced her growth and progress in life.
My mother should be just about the most chilled woman I have met in my time. What people think about her rarely fazes the woman.She is so sure of herself and that,to me is very admirable.
In our healing journey,we sometimes need a little help on the way even though we need our own initiative to be able to pick up on traits from fellow women that we can model into our own lives so we can become better.They say;"Ladies, lets get in formation,prove you got the coordination."We really need each other sometimes.Really.
I am incredibly blessed to have met these amazing women in the time I have been alive and I owe it to God to become the best version of myself.
And from the bottom of my heart,I pray that they will always keep inspiring their surrounding.
I am a woman who has ever wondered whether I had an inbuilt system to work my life.
I am a woman who has had and is working hard to simply believe in herself.
I am a woman who has cried herself to sleep more times than she can remember.
I am still a woman who has tried many things, failed,picked herself up and tried again.
I am the woman who got pregnant in campus while in church,gave birth and got back to fixing my life.They say,even though the broken pot can no longer carry water,it can be used to plant beautiful flowers.
I am the woman who will reach ALL her goals and fulfill her dreams before making a dramatic exit from the world.
I am the woman who is God's masterpiece,I am beautiful; I am stronger; I am bolder; I am a lover(of me mostly).
Along the journey of mending my wounded self-esteem.
I have met amazing women along the way and I would like to celebrate some of them in this piece.They have simply inspired me by the way they live and deal with what life throws at them.
Open-mindedness and ready for any challenge are the two words to describe my super friend Yvonne.
Resilience and hardwork are traits that I surely admire in my boss LucyM. She stays up late and works tirelessly to just make sure that her projects come to life and are sustainable.
Self love and Self confidence in one Sexy Sandie made me love my body for what it is.I appreciate that I am curved and there is nothing wrong with my body.And that name is her name.She is such a hardworker and is very thorough in her work.
That what I do and how I do;it is great !This is a philosophy I have learnt from one Ruth Make-up. She has come from so far in life and I admire her spirit for life and her love for God.
Life is a party meant to be enjoyed is what I take away from my dear friend Issa.Yes,she is a woman.In full it's Isabelle.Oh,the woman loves life and I am pretty sure her love for life has greatly influenced her growth and progress in life.
My mother should be just about the most chilled woman I have met in my time. What people think about her rarely fazes the woman.She is so sure of herself and that,to me is very admirable.
In our healing journey,we sometimes need a little help on the way even though we need our own initiative to be able to pick up on traits from fellow women that we can model into our own lives so we can become better.They say;"Ladies, lets get in formation,prove you got the coordination."We really need each other sometimes.Really.
I am incredibly blessed to have met these amazing women in the time I have been alive and I owe it to God to become the best version of myself.
And from the bottom of my heart,I pray that they will always keep inspiring their surrounding.
Thursday 19 January 2017
PAIN IS THE EMOTION,HURT IS THE FEELING
Hallo friends and a great 2017 from yours truly- me.
Thank you for being here and being able to read my stuff,it's like listening to me talk which is one of my favourite things in the world.
We like to celebrate life when good things happen,we like to notice and hold onto the good things that happened in our lives.We often trivialize or altogether fail to appreciate the not-so good that happens even though all the good and bad all come together to complete this fabric called life.
When addressed in the form of art such as music or written prose or a painting,it is often too heavy to handle but(pause),it is there.The not so great times in our lives are present.
Some of us are equipped to handle the heavy stuff that comes our way but a good number of those around us are not.Lifes tides often overwhelms them and we refuse to see or are unable to handle them when they are at their lowest.Its happening even amongst our peers,our friends being unable to handle the 'too much' that is thrown their way.Feelings of severe despondency and rejection (I got that from Wikipedia)-DEPRESSION.We have sometimes gone to a certain extent of losing our loved ones in one of the worst ways to lose loved ones(not that there really is a good way anyway).
They commit suicide.
But what happened? He was in medicine school,he was a promising camera guy-we even just shot a short film,she was a great fashionista(those who get away with matching polka dots,stripes,checked in one outfit),she was such a chatter box....But what happened?
Sometimes,the only emotion is pain,The feeling-is-hurt.
Talking and talking but never really getting heard
I try to keep my head above the water but under it I can feel something
The years keep passing by and it feels like am stuck in a damaged time machine
I am surrounded by my peeps but they never really see me,
The only emotion I relate to is pain,the feeling is hurt.
They keep saying to find inner strength but I have nothing,
When I am down and the figures above me are only moving forward
And as I grapple on the gravel,scarring my hands in the process,tryin' hold on to something,someone,
Pain is the only emotion and the feeling? The feeling is hurt
When I give all to a man and it is not enough
When I search inside me to give that which I do not have
When all I am left with are parts of me,
I am broken but nobody reads through the smile that does not quite reach my eyes,
Through the glimmer in my eyes that are tears threatening to come through anytime
I am screaming' Hallo!!!!!!!!" But all I get is my echo,
All I really feel is pain
And a new day is not welcome,it's not new to me,
It's just another scene in my script filled with lines of hurt,
I am right there,in the rain,sinking deeper and deeper in the mud but everyone is locked up in their houses safe and sound.
So,I pick up the blade and slit my wrists slowly,it has to be this way,the pain is the only emotion I got.
--------------------------------------------------Epilogoue
I am not asking to be dependent on anyone.All I am saying is when your outgoing girlfriend suddenly quits all social media sites,maybe it's a cry for help.When suicide becomes a fascinating topic with your actor-friend,maybe you should pay closer attention.Because sometimes when the only emotion these friends of ours start feeling is pain,it may be too late for both of you.
(Depression is real,it's important to understand the signs and offer help as far as we can.)
Thank you for being here and being able to read my stuff,it's like listening to me talk which is one of my favourite things in the world.
We like to celebrate life when good things happen,we like to notice and hold onto the good things that happened in our lives.We often trivialize or altogether fail to appreciate the not-so good that happens even though all the good and bad all come together to complete this fabric called life.
When addressed in the form of art such as music or written prose or a painting,it is often too heavy to handle but(pause),it is there.The not so great times in our lives are present.
Some of us are equipped to handle the heavy stuff that comes our way but a good number of those around us are not.Lifes tides often overwhelms them and we refuse to see or are unable to handle them when they are at their lowest.Its happening even amongst our peers,our friends being unable to handle the 'too much' that is thrown their way.Feelings of severe despondency and rejection (I got that from Wikipedia)-DEPRESSION.We have sometimes gone to a certain extent of losing our loved ones in one of the worst ways to lose loved ones(not that there really is a good way anyway).
They commit suicide.
But what happened? He was in medicine school,he was a promising camera guy-we even just shot a short film,she was a great fashionista(those who get away with matching polka dots,stripes,checked in one outfit),she was such a chatter box....But what happened?
Sometimes,the only emotion is pain,The feeling-is-hurt.
Talking and talking but never really getting heard
I try to keep my head above the water but under it I can feel something
The years keep passing by and it feels like am stuck in a damaged time machine
I am surrounded by my peeps but they never really see me,
The only emotion I relate to is pain,the feeling is hurt.
They keep saying to find inner strength but I have nothing,
When I am down and the figures above me are only moving forward
And as I grapple on the gravel,scarring my hands in the process,tryin' hold on to something,someone,
Pain is the only emotion and the feeling? The feeling is hurt
When I give all to a man and it is not enough
When I search inside me to give that which I do not have
When all I am left with are parts of me,
I am broken but nobody reads through the smile that does not quite reach my eyes,
Through the glimmer in my eyes that are tears threatening to come through anytime
I am screaming' Hallo!!!!!!!!" But all I get is my echo,
All I really feel is pain
And a new day is not welcome,it's not new to me,
It's just another scene in my script filled with lines of hurt,
I am right there,in the rain,sinking deeper and deeper in the mud but everyone is locked up in their houses safe and sound.
So,I pick up the blade and slit my wrists slowly,it has to be this way,the pain is the only emotion I got.
--------------------------------------------------Epilogoue
I am not asking to be dependent on anyone.All I am saying is when your outgoing girlfriend suddenly quits all social media sites,maybe it's a cry for help.When suicide becomes a fascinating topic with your actor-friend,maybe you should pay closer attention.Because sometimes when the only emotion these friends of ours start feeling is pain,it may be too late for both of you.
(Depression is real,it's important to understand the signs and offer help as far as we can.)
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