25

When I celebrated or rather marked my 25th year of life,I stayed awake upto about 4am. I did because I was terrified. I was so afraid for my life,so afraid that I did not have  a direction I could see as far as my life was concerned.

In the course of my 24th year(that is between 24 and 25),I did most of the things I have done in my life.I struggled to make headway in life but I kind of made full cycle.I normally know that it is a complete cycle when I am back at home in Kakamega.

I have even prayed and told God that if it is a curse ,he should finally uncurse me.I either have not figured out my real reason for being alive or I am stupid or I am lazy or I am simply not insightful.I have narrowed my list to these things.

There are a few things I thought I had a grasp of in the course of my 24th year.
*An acting job with a reknown thespian.I went for auditions and passed for once.(Things went this way and that way and then it has not happened).
*A 'ruracio'.Mr.Man had declared his eternal love to his "wife" as he liked to refer to me and finally agreed to go see my parents.Noooo,(things went this way and that way,and I assumed the single lady title again).
*A theatre show.I spoke at length with a certain writer with whom we were to push the project with.
Turns out,I was just a listening ear to fill up her time all the many times we spoke about the project.
My 24th year gave me hope,but on my 25th birthday, all these were gone and I was scared.
I was scared that I would never come out,I would never get to breathe again, that the water that was my existence would swallow me and I would suffocate to death.
My entire life was a painful trudge through history.It was as if I was going through someone else's life.A movie of sorts.

25years of What?
Keep reading....

I could not tell.Happy Birthday,people posted on my FB wall.I, for the love of me could not really figure out what was happy.I did not want to be alive so scratch that thought.You know the one where you wanted to say that I should be thankful I was alive.

I looked back at all the premature projects I handled.I looked back at all the people who had left my life without telling me why.It was like I was stuck in mud and could not move yet a train was coming and if I did not unstick myself I would be run over but I could not move.

This 25year old I do not recognize. I am getting acquainted. God has decided that I should be alive to see today, surely he must have a plan in mind.I have not heard a testimony that God is a liar; I have heard those who said he is cruel,others have said he does not exist ,but personally I have not heard that He is a liar.
My point is ,this plan that he has,He says it is for good and not for evil,to give me a future and a hope.If I could,God,I would like to file for an emergency hearing(I hope the learned people say it like that)-that you pass my file to the top and start working on the plan.Or at least,give me a hint of hope while I await the rest.

24th year was not all gloom,I finally got my Library membership and I am enjoying Patterson James as I await for 25th year to shape up.What else? I enrolled for driving lessons although that is proving to be quite the challenge on my part.
Of course,you know by now,I joined a volunteer group.They gave me a cup and a promise.

So,dear 25.Just like my son,you just came. I have no idea what to do with you but you decided to find me alive.Even though your entrance scared me,it was not to the death.I made it past your entrance and as we get acquainted, I would like to remind you that I am really beginning to feel the eagle. You know how it soars best in a storm,how it sits atop the tallest trees and still have an excellent view of its prey below,most importantly how it gets reborn?I like her so much that I am borrowing a leaf.

You know what 25,forget about my list,I will always have things that did not quite work out as I wanted.as
Bring it on 25!!!