THE LETTER(I HOPE IT REACHES YOU)

 Dear Olive,

I trust that this letter reaches you on time.

I got your email.You had banked on me opening my email long after it was too late for me to do anything but I guess fate had other plans. You see I have enrolled in this online class that requires us to constantly check our emails - tough luck.

I have read your email several times.I am pretty certain that I am finally able to share my thoughts with you from a point of clarity and sobriety. It made me feel a little crappy but just for a short time. For about a day and a half I churned my mind over and over looking for ways I could have seen you.Like really seen you.I went through so many events in mind wondering which one was the day that there was a crack and I had not caught it. Well, I am sorry that I did not find the day. I am sorry that I was not able to see the real you even though we shared so many years of life together.

Olive, you are my source of strength.I always pour out my issue to you because you always know what to say. You always have helpful tit bits of information that I found helpful.Oh Olive, I am sorry I never gave you feedback of all the help you gave me.Tell me, would this help you to feel better about yourself?

In your detailed email, you speak of impossibilities. You tell me you have searched for happiness and it has always been elusive only making short lived appearances once in a while.I understand. I have been there Olive, I occasionally get there.I cannot tell you to hang on.I don't believe you are left with that option.I can only tell you I understand.

I am not sad or angry. I am a tad disappointed that we could not contribute enough joy to make you stay.You wrote to me that you are so tired. I understand.When we get too tired, we cannot give anymore.When we are all drained, we cannot pour anyore.I understand my dear.

I want you to know that you mattered to me.I need you to know that you are a rare gem full of kindness and compassion. Thank you for not letting those you plan on leaving behind wonder what could have been.

It is such a painful circumstance.I want you to know I understand.I am thankful that you got to read my response.

I understand why you must end your life on this side of the planet.Dear Olive, as you pass on to the next life,I wish for you to find your happiness.I wish for you the capacity to discover your own strength within.I wish for you to always have the strength to rise again even when you get tired.I wish for you that life will treat you kinder over there.I wish for you light.

Goodbye Dear Friend,I understand.

PS: thank you for the party invitation.We will truly celebrate for we know for sure,it will be your last.