I CANNOT LET IT GO

a few days ago, I was privileged to attend the inaugural Kenya Actors Guild Monologue challenge as  a performer.
I have never prepared for a role quite as much as I had for this particular one. I inquired from my friend who is a talented creative writer and we discussed. i rehearsed in the bathroom , in the bus, in my head. Everywhere, literally.
I was determined to top any other performance I had ever delivered. I was sure i would be at least top three, I prayed and prayed that God would see me through this time because I had been on that stage before and I had not liked my performance very much{ a stage like that}.
Because, the performance is not what I am dwelling on, I will say that I never wonand my marks would not hvae earned me top 5. I was devastated even though at the back of mind, I knew I had done better than last time.
It has been 4 days since another girl was announced the winner and i have not stopped thinking of my next performance. I have researched the internet, I have reviewed the judges comments, I have not prayed yet, I am afraid God may not answer but I will get around to doing that because after all, fear is simply demonic.
[I will explain another day}
I am obssesed to say the least and I absolutely believe that until I get my spot among the top I cannot rest.  I simply cannot let it go.
And I cannot wait for the next challenge to be better. I am working hard so that I can achieve my goals.
Okay, mostly this one called monologue challenge, I don't think as for now I even remember any other goal.I really want to mostly top my previous performance and it just occurred to me that if I approach this challenge like a personal challenge to better myself and my craft, the victory will be so unexpected because when that day comes- the victory will be sure and absolute.
you know kind of like when the judges for the got talent shows press the golden buzzer.