...the Reason why they would think that my reasons were stupid is because they were. i would cry and sometimes still do because my dad shouted at me or somebody made reference to my inability to be a good mother to my son. I remember one time I threw all caution to the wind and went out to meet my friends out of town. things did not go according to plan and I returned home a little late. I even bought vegetables in town so that i would not delay supper any later. on reaching home, my sister was so pissed at me for leaving my child with her for that long. i should have told her for how long I was going to be out. I understand that but for me the words she chose too use just cut me into pieces. Any comment that comes my way in the form of criticism is often construed as an attack on me as a person.
Well, that has been my life for so long but I guess that if you are alive, you have to live. I am a firm believer in God and his existence and that God has a lot of love to give. Truth be told God has always had my back and I believe he is the sole purpose that I did not crawl into deeper darkness. I believe he is my strength.
Now I hope you don't expect a dramatic turn around but what happened and is still happening is what I call a David journey. I call it because David was so imperfect but he always stood up to to his mistakes and repented and he ended up as being the man after God's own heart.
In 2015, God sent several people in my life who have helped work on my esteem but I think it is important to say that they were just guides. The real person to pull out of darkness is me.
God sent me a lady called Ruth who taught me to appreciate my body. We literally went through what clothes I could wear and encouraged me to appreciate who I was. She even took her time to apply make up on me and I felt good. This encounter taught me that How you look on the outside contributes to a good extent how you look on the inside. I get it now, when you dress to dress and not to cover up, and feel comfortable, it actually boosts your mood and ultimately self-esteem.
God sent me my current boyfriend who is my number one cheerleader and when stuff is going downward spiral, he is there to hold me back up in his own way. No, he is far from Alejandro but I am glad he is there. Now, before you think that I am finding my validity in a man, that's not it. The fact is that I needed help and I take it from wherever it comes from. And the point is, I am simply learning lessons about me that i had never known before. That I had never known exist.
My home church K.A.G Kakamega town Youth fraternity is a small community of angels. Everyone there accepts everyone. This group really believes in God and accepts people just the way they are. Everyone knows who behaves how and they are accepted just like that. It is a pleasure to be with them and they are a great support system in terms of just being in a safe space to make mistakes and learn and be who you are.
Acting is a great therapeutic tool. it is what I do best. I have been told that I have done well by some of the best directors in Kenya. So, what stops me from being a a star? Nothing.
Prayer plays a key role and I believe that finding yourself in Christ day by day helps make life enjoyable and worth living.
Low self esteem is a poison that slowly kills the joy of life and even though people like me really need a lot of validation to prop us up, it is our own decision to change our life. I made the decision and now am on the journey. I still cry but I understand it now as a healing process and not as a condemnation phase. Oh yes, I removed some clothes from my wardrobe and I actually use lipstick- purple by the way. I get that I am not the only person in the world and the world is made up of other people.
I appreciate myself and I want to baptize this blog and re-name it GLORIA TSUMA OWICHIRA and be true to what I put in it as my stuff.
Thank you.
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